NARR.: This week...The Case of the Pusillanimous Yardstick!

(Fade in to street and outdoor sounds)

CASE: (V/O) The scene: the home of Mrs. Argonaut. Once again, Inspector Jackson has called me in to investigate another grisly death. And this one is as grisly as they get.

MRS. ARGONAUT: It was about seven o’clock when I heard the screams. My son Jason and I had just settled down for a long winter’s nap and this loud scream came from the back yard. Naturally I investigated and found this man lying here with this dishwasher lodged in his throat. That’s when I called you.

CASE: (V/O) Jackson and I crouch around the body looking for obvious clues.

JACKSON: Could be a hit-and-run, Justin. What do you think?

CASE: (V/O) It was possible Jackson was right, but I had my doubts. Something was just not right.

CASE: Mrs. Argonaut, are you sure you don’t know this man?

MRS. A: I’ve never seen him in my life. Though I once saw a man who looked similar to him, but that was in Rathdrum, Idaho fifty-nine years ago, and since I’m only twenty-eight I don’t remember it.

CASE: I see.

JACKSON: Any ideas on how he was killed, Justin?

CASE: Yes, Inspector. Apparently the man was trying to get into the backdoor when this dishwasher swung down from this rope off the roof and impaled him in the throat. Mrs. Argonaut, have you been having problems with burglars in this neighborhood?

MRS. A: No, no one around here has anything worth burglaring. Hey, you kids! Get away from that foghorn!

(SFX: Foghorn)

CASE: Mrs. Argonaut, I’m afraid we’re going to have to arrest you on suspicion of murdering your husband Chauncy.

JACKSON: Astounding!

NARR.: How did Justin Case know? The answer… tomorrow!

Well, duhhh... It's obvious.

Never trust a woman with a foghorn.

NARR.: And now back to Match Wits with Justin Case!

CASE: A picture of Mr. Argonaut was stapled to the dishwasher, and my keen eye was able to detect the similarity between the photo and what was left of the victim. I knew she was lying about the ownership of the dishwasher, because, monogramed on the side, was, “To Enid, with love, Chauncy.” Mrs. Argonaut had killed her husband because her name was Jane, not Enid.

NARR.: Tune in some time in the nebulous future to once again Match Wits with Justin Case!

Like I didn't see that coming!

Oh.

Dang. Missed it by THAT much!