Yesterday I happened across a health food store I had never seen before and stepped inside. They had a cereal called "Ezekiel 4:9." This is a biblical verse in which the prophet Ezekiel was instructed by God to "Take also unto thee wheat and barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and put them in one vessel, and make bread of it." An outfit called Food for Life combined these ingredients (all organically raised, of course) and made a cereal out of it. I suspected they might perhaps be Mimickers, but there's no mention of broccoli in the ingredients so I guess not.

I find it rather tasty. But it costs over five bucks for a sixteen-ounce box, so I doubt I'll eat it too regularly.

http://www.foodforlife.com/our-products.html

They tactfully omit mentioning the context in which Ezekiel was told to bake his unusual bread--he was acting out a prophecy of a seige in which people would be combining anything at all they could find to eat. And he was specifically told to bake it over a dung fire. Hopefully the people at Food for Life bakeries haven't adopted that part of it.

My mother loves Ezekiel bread. The texture is sort of like sawdust held together with rubber cement, but it tastes and toasts up OK. Falls apart in sandwiches. And, yes, it's pricey. Biblically inspired recipes tend to be a little strange (see matza) even without the trouble that faulty and incomplete translation throws in. The Bible is not a recipe book. But the part about the dung fire is great! Heh.

Embedding a Jules Winfield clip would get this thread sent downstairs, so I'll refrain.

I'm on the Genesis 1:21 Diet where I can eat fish, lobster, winged fowel, and whales. But it's hard to get good whale nowadays.

So it costs about the same as the cereal my kids seem to like? Got it.

I feel like I'm splurging when I buy ginger almond granola for $2.89 at Trader Joe's. I sprinkle a tiny little bit on top of my el cheapo bran flakes.

We have El Cheapo brand products over here in Australialand, too. I'm a big fan of thier work.

I hate it when they don't make hot cross buns to the original, Biblical recipe. I'm sure God becomes as annoyed as I do when they leave out the orange.

I'm on the Leviticus 11:9-12 diet where you consider shellfish an abomination in the eyes of God.

If God hated lobsters so much, why did He make them? I don't get that. "An abomination." Whatever.

Maybe the Devil created lobsters? (ducks and covers, waiting for the inevitable outcry from outraged theists)

One thing's for sure - if the Abomination had been drawn as giant green lobster from the get-go, all those old Hulk comics would have been a hell of a lot funnier today.

The way it transports through their flesh shellfish basically filter the water with their flesh. They don't have a separate vascular system like fish do. The meat can, under certain circumstances, take on the harmful properties of the water -- "red tide," or heavy metal content, or something else.

Today we have the knowledge to avoid trouble in this area. People who still insist that shellfish has toxins are incorrect, in my opinion.

Abominations, Jay. They're abominations. Says so. Right there.

God hates shrimp.

They could be hurled in battle.

Ooh, hadn't thought of that.

Well, I'm a theist and I've sometimes wondered whether God gave the Devil permission to introduce flies, fleas, and ticks into the world after the fall of man. Surely they weren't there in the Garden of Eden!

Simon's new avatar is great.

Scallops and oysters are abominations. Abominations!

And delicious in butter and garlic.

To make matters worse, the instructions to Ezekiel originally specified HUMAN dung. He balked at this, and was permitted to use animal dung instead.

I'd be interested in trying Ezekiel bread. Baked by conventional means, of course.

My beloved Fruity Pebbles are like $5 a box.

So now, The Wife buys Fruit Crispies for like $2.50 for a bigger box.

Fruit Crispies. Like I am a child and will not know the difference.

I eat them.

But am not happy about it.

"there's no difference."

Oh yes. There is.

Baby.

I learned to get the generic-brand cereals a long time ago. Most of the off-brands seem okay to me. I don't eat them that much, and then mainly as snacks instead of for breakfast. The sugary ones especially are more appropriate as a dessert or snack item than as part of a meal.

Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Delicious.

Instead we get the store brand mini-something.

Not as good. Half the price, but not as good.

Reminds me of when my dad tried to slip in Fruit Rings for Fruit Loops. "they won't know the difference."

I knew the difference.


A grown man forced to eat inferior cereal.

Sigh.

My wife must hate me.