There is the same amount of time for every person on this Earth.
The same daytime and the same night time.
Yet do we ever feel we have enough time.
To tell the people we love, how much we love them.
to show others how we care about them.
I don't think there is enough time for that
to really be able to show that
to express it and really get it across to the ones
who are important in our lives.
our parents, grandparents , siblings
and especially that special person we eventually meet
and we suddenly become speechless
or stutter and fumble over the words that we want to say
will there ever be enough time, even if we have wasted time
and not been aware of our own feelings
i wish i could buy back that wasted time and give it to
the one i love.
because when you realize you love that special person
it is sometimes too late
then when you realize you not only love them
but you are in love with them
not blind to their faults and quirks
but aware of everything about them
and appreciate them more because of all that
even if it drives you completey nuts
you miss it when they are not there
it is what makes them beautiful to you
and you can only hope that is how they feel about you too
Time
all you want
but it is never enough

I like this one a lot, Audra. A lot of truth in there.

I have wasted more time
i have proven myself a failure to boot
I failed
I failed him
i failed myself
I failed to be what he wanted me to be
I asked him to call me
He didn't
maybe he couldn't
Maybe he just wouldn't
it doesn't matter now
not any more
I didn't get the chance to tell him
all that i wanted to
I wanted him to call because it
would have meant he liked me even a little bit
that he was curious about what i wanted to say
that he understood i needed him to do this
one thing, to help me heal
but i failed
now i cannot say the 3 little words i had longed to say
i have to let it go
i know that
but it hurts a great deal right now
not only my failure
but his refusal to help me
he said i was in control of the time i needed
to analyze myself
i gave the control back to him and asked
him to help me with this last part
i can feel him turning his back on me
i can feel him walking away

my nephews said this morning
that i need to find me a guy who is my type
i replied that would be nice but the one i like
doesn't even like me
Sid said i need to find me someone
who is smart, perfect and handsome
i asked him if the he remembers the guy i like
he said yes
i asked if he what he thought of him
sid said
that guy would be perfect for you
i smiled
said thanks and said i didn't think he even likes me
sid said that is okay he will
i wish i had his confidence about it

but i have run out of time and his patience

Ok now you're just being tough on yourself again, Audra! Give yourself a break, my friend!

Audra, I personally don't believe there is just one perfect person for anyone out there, and if that is missed, it's gone.

i think there are a lot of people out there we could make it with. But you have to know and like who you are first, really. No one can fix us.

I know there is not just one perfect person for anyone
there is no perfection
but there is that special person
you can click with share more than just things in common
it just feels right
i have known a few who were like that with me
i didn't date them
we were friends
but it was an easy happy relationship
just being who we are
i want that again
i want just right
just happy
I have had to re examine myself lately
and it was at the request of a friend
i wish he could understand me better
i understand myself better now
i know i sometimes cannot handle some situations
i know i have to push thru the panic and fear
i just wanted him to show me he wanted me to be happy
to be engaged in the experience
i didn't want him to make me do all the work
i needed the encouragement
maybe that was too much to expect, or ask
i don't think he would be the only person in the world for me
but right now i am discouraged and sad
so that is what it feels like
if he does walk away
he will miss out on the one good thing i have
been able to learn recently
i can love again
I want to love again
i need to love again
i want to be wanted and wooed
i need to be wanted
i want someone to give me a little
i feel like i am always doing the giving and
i get nothing back
that is exhausting
and not tmuch fun

when my parents were dating
my dad asked my mom
"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"
She looked him straight in the eye
and said
"I don't know, you haven't asked me yet"

I am not asking to be proposed to
Just suggesting I be asked out
maybe on a real live date
i don't know what i will say
but i know that is what i want
effort on his part, a small thing, surely.
a big deal to him, i realize that
it is a big deal to do the asking
I know
i did once
it is hard to do the asking
but to have some group thing in mind
even would be nice
go to a movie with friends
or some get together
that is fun
that is less stress than anything else
you can still talk and get to know each other

Group events are great. Can't recommend them enough!

i may be inconsequential to him, but i do not believe i can stand up for myself and do as he wishes. I listened when he said he didn't want to date and he didn't want to declare affection for another person
I heard him loud and clear. i heard him also when he suggested i give myself a month to purge myself of the poison from past relationships. But when it took me 15 days to figure out what i wanted and wanted from him as well.
i got no response except what he wants me to do
it is not like he wants me to be me but what he wants me to be
maybe i am wrong. i only know i cannot compromise who i am and what i believe
even if it means not being with him. no matter what.
i want him to respect me and regard me as a strong person
firm in my convictions. if i were to change that part of me then i wouldn't be me
i believe deeply in honor
and i would always honor and respect him
but if he wants me to desert the biggest part of myself
how could he really care for what is most important
me

I agree with Rob, Audra (except for the part I bolded because I'm not 100% sure what he was saying.) There are a lot of people out there who will suit each of us. You can't truly know and love someone else until you know and love yourself !!!

Big Kudos to you for the last poem. If the only thing someone has to say is what s/he thinks you need to change about yourself, then s/he is NOT for you. If there is something YOU don't like about your personality, then change it. But never change for someone else's sake; change only because YOU want to make a change. You are the only person who has the right to dictate who you are and will be.

Hang in there and really learn to love who you are. Once you do that, it'll be easier to see and appreciate the people who truly love you also.

When I'm feeling down, I find that looking at this art has a real soothing effect.

I will not grovel or beg
i will not humiliate myself that way
i need to be strong and happy with myself
i am not being stubborn
i only wish to maintain confidence
which for me is a hard won victory
i don't wish to be mouse, like i used to be called in school
i want to be . . . me
healthy, happy and giving
being a good person and enjoyable to be around

that is all
happy to be
happy being me

I am always going to care about him
I had thought about letting my feelings for him die
but I thought about how long it took
for me to even realize
How I feel about him
How I think of him
and decided even if he doesn’t ever really care about me
my feelings are my own
I won’t kill those feelings just because
he doesn’t feel the same.
I earned those feelings.
they will naturally fade in time.
But I won’t kill them.
It is like battle scars
Something to be proud of
because of what they mean to me
the pain caused by a lot of uncertainty
and lack of response on his part
has gone. It took 5 days.
I cried, fumed and then just accepted it.
I will always care about him.
I will always worry about his well being.
I will eventually find someone new, maybe.
If I do, I will tell him personally.
My silence only matches his own
If he comes to me or calls me
I will talk with him.
I will tell him all I have thought and felt
If he wishes to hear it.
I had told him long ago
I had no expectations
of him or anyone else,
that is truth
because if you expect much
you can be disappointed much
but if you don’t and yet
receive much
it is the best gift of all
He said I was afraid and hiding
in a corner. No more.
i will no longer just try but do
for myself and others as much
as I can.
I am loved
I know this
But it is always nice to hear once in a while.

I used to hurt myself, claw at my own arms and face
Pound my chest with hard little fists,
as hard as i could, till it felt like a rib would break.
I wanted physical pain to take away emotional hurts
But i am learning to deal with those feelings differently
writing stuff out helps
thinking of positive things helps
my nieces and nephews help
being the center of their world makes me feel wanted and needed
but i still want my own family
my own love
maybe someday.
i won’t despair, whoever he is, he will find me and tell me
i am his world
that is something to look forward to, yes....
whom ever he turns out to be
i hope he won’t give up on me
if i don’t recognize him right away
because i don’t want to miss out on
being his
not the fairy tale
but the ever after will be something to really enjoy...

he has looked back and smiled at me
i will be able to talk to him after all
and that is a good start
for whatever the future may hold
no matter what