All adventures of the IMWAN Four are ©2005 (or later) James C. Taylor. The images and likenesses of the IMWAN Four may not be used outside of IMWAN without permission.

The IMWAN four: the Investigator, Mrs. Wonderful, Ace, and the Nereid in:

There Lurks...a Lurker!

A shiver rippled the skin of the sensational sea-nymph. "I feel like I'm being watched."

Ace chuckled. "I can't help it you're beautiful."

"I meant by someone else."

Ace flicked one of his gimmicked playing cards into the target on the wall. "How can you be? We're safe underground in the IMWAN lair. The only ones that can get here are us four, Rusty, and Colonel Princeton. It's just me, you, and our shadows."

Nereid looked on the wall. "How can two people cast three shadows?"

Human hands clothed in black emerged from the third shadow, grabbing Ace. Nereid gesticulated and a spray of sea water smashed into one of the arms. However the other pulled Ace's torso into the shadows. Nereid grabbed Ace's legs and pulled, but whoever was pulling on the other side was strong, not necessarily super-strong, but stronger than her or Ace. He disappeared into shadow and both shadows quickly sped to the exit. Before she could hit the emergency seal button, they were gone.

Nereid activated the communications panel. "Investigator. Mrs. Wonderful. We have a situation here."

-§-

Nereid sighed. "We must be the only crime fighting team to stop what they're doing to accessorize."

The Investigator took a pack of Ace's special playing cards and slipped it into his pocket. "I'm not accessorizing. I'm getting the proper gear for the mission.” He slipped a small but powerful flashlight into his boot. "Nothing quite as stupid as going into a trap unprepared."

Nereid threw up her hands. "Fine, but what about her?"

Mrs. Wonderful shrugged her shoulders. "I admit it. I'm a clothes horse. But you do have to admit, this is a great outfit."

Nereid smiled. "The short skirt over the tights does work."

"Ladies, focus. I have the Seeker warmed up. Let's get aboard."

Mrs. Wonderful smoothed her skirt. "One second.” She raised her left hand to the sky and said loudly "I...Love...You!” The room glowed bright with a burst of mystic energy which then quickly faded.

Nereid shook her head. "Why not Shazam, or For Freedom, or something?"

"You'd have to ask my husband. It's his ring. I'm just using it."

The Investigator put on his baseball cap and Spectrogoggles. "He was a good man, Beth. She never knew him but I did. And we appreciate you doing this."

"Never mind that. We have to find Ace and figure out what's going on."
-§-
"A chip under his skin?! How could you?” Nereid leaned forward and glowered at the Investigator, pounding her fist on the arm of her seat in the Investigator's craft.

"I try to be prepared."

"Is there one under mine?” Nereid's frown increased. "Is there?"

All Mrs. Wonderful could hear was breathing.

"No," the Investigator finally said.

Nereid turned her shoulder to the Investigator. "Liar."

"Xanquilyn, let's concentrate on getting Ace back. But how did they get into our headquarters?"

"I assume the 'shadow' shadowed Ace after his last public appearance and then stepped in the transport tube when he did. I'm more concerned with why they took Ace?"

"To lead us into a trap," Nereid spat at him. "You said it yourself."

"They could have kidnapped Rusty, or Donna Dartmouth, or other civilians. No, they want something with or from Ace. And that may be the way we beat this trap."

Mrs. Wonderful looked out of the window. "But what does Ace have besides stale jokes and trick cards?"

"Knowledge of us, for starters. And he's the least powerful of the four of us."

Nereid waggled her finger. "Technically, you're the least powerful of the four of us."

"But I'm a better hand to hand combatant than any of you. And I have a brain."

Nereid again glowered at the Investigator.

Mrs. Wonderful pointed down toward an abandoned manufacturing plant. "Looks like we're here, lady and gent."

"I'll bring us down. But I don't think that'll be far enough. Ace is reading several meters below the surface."

-§-

"Why don't they ever hide out at a brightly lit shopping mall?” Mrs. Wonderful's two-and-a-half inch heels clacked on the concrete floor as she walked.

Nereid smiled. "Because they don't ever want to be between you and the close out rack.” The Investigator shook his head, then held his hand up for them to stop. He looked up at the skylight, then behind them on the near wall, then ahead of them on the far wall. The Investigator pulled the flashlight out of his boot and made the sign language symbol for six with his hand. To the layman, it looked like he was saying three.

Mrs. Wonderful began counting on one hand in sign language like he had taught her, only to keep flashing between the six and the two fingers and a thumb that meant three. Nereid smacked Mrs. Wonderful's hands down and held up six fingers.

The Investigator cocked his head toward the wall, then began walking toward it. "There has to be an entrance here some-"

He spun around and flashed the super bright LED flashlight at the head of one of the six lurkers. He then spun kicked catching a second one.

Nereid blasted another with a powerful jet of sea water. Mrs. Wonderful leapt over Nereid, landing in the middle of the Investigator's scrum. "My turn, I-man.” She grabbed the legs of the one the Investigator kicked and spun him in a wide and violent arc, knocking the other black clad men flying.

"You go, girl!” Nereid smiled as she kept her man pinned against the wall. As Mrs. Wonderful continued to pound the living snot out of the remaining three, the Investigator made his way over to Nereid's prisoner, staying as far back of the spray as he could.

"You know, that's going to leave a mark. And you'll probably catch a cold. Tell me, who's behind your little crew of lurkers?"

"What a man you are, letting chicks fight your battles."

The Investigator unbuckled the belt that the lurker was wearing, separated the high tech buckle from the belt, then signaled Nereid to cut the stream. He threw the belt in the lurker's face. "What a man you are, letting technology fight your battles."

The lurker lunged at the Investigator, who side stepped him and then kicked him on his bottom as he went by. The man lunged for the Investigator's knees, but he bounded up over the thrust and the man crashed into the floor again.

The lurker threw a wild punch and the Investigator spun his leg into the man's, tripping him into the floor. Again.

The lurker ran at him one more time and the Investigator brought his knee straight up. There.

Mrs. Wonderful giggled as he slumped to the ground in a groan. "You probably should have let the chicks beat you up."

"Did you leave any conscious for me? This one is too stupid to talk."

"No. Sorry. When the Wonder Power gets flowing, it's kind of hard to stop."

"Yes. Ace was kind enough to tell me all about it."

"Who said that?” Nereid looked around the room.

A figure in a lab coat stepped from behind a box. "I did."

Mrs. Wonderful gasped. "It's..."

The Investigator glared at him. “ The Big Idea."

-§-

"Psychotron one on the fish woman! Psychotron two on the bimbo!"

"Bimbo this!” Mrs. Wonderful whipped a crate at the criminal mastermind, who ducked behind the crate from which he emerged, letting it take the brunt of the collision.

From off the wall, two more lurkers emerged, each removing a tarpaulin from a sinister looking electronic device. The Investigator did a series of flips and tumbles to one of the men, but not before he fired the device at Mrs. Wonderful.

"Don't let him stop the ray!"

The man in black was better trained than the Investigator's previous opponent and was not proving quickly dispatched. Meanwhile the second man, after ducking a seawater stream from Nereid, fired the second device right at her head.

Mrs. Wonderful, after one blast of the first device, stood stock motionless.

"If any of you useless cretins have awakened, help number 12 with the Investigator! He must not stop the devices!"

Four groggy men got up and ran to their compatriot's aid. Meanwhile, Nereid had joined her teammate in motionlessness. The Big Idea walked over to Mrs. Wonderful and examined her from toe to head. "You know, it's a shame that I wasn't the one to do her husband in. But I'll settle for her, and all of you. He took her ring from her finger.

The Investigator used techniques for crowd fighting to tread water, but he could feel himself getting tired. As he smashed the uncoordinated attacks into each other, he looked over at Mrs. Wonderful, who remained as frozen as a statue. A glance to Nereid showed the same thing.

"Use the gas, you imbeciles! Fight with your minds, not your hands.” One of the lurkers pulled what looked like a fumigator from behind a crate and sprayed the gas in the Investigator's face. Immediately he and his other opponents started coughing. First one lurker dropped, then another, then a third. The Investigator loped groggily toward the Big Idea. "What are you doing to them?"

"I'm exposing them to a concentrated dose of their greatest weaknesses!"

"But you can't synthes-, synth-, synth-" The Investigator fell to the ground.

"Who's the smartest now, Investigator? Take him to the cell next to Ace! I want to watch the ladies die on my big screen television undisturbed!” The Big Idea laughed a chilling laugh.

-§-

---[]---

Xanquilyn, the Nereid, did not recognize her surroundings. In fact, for a second she didn't recognize herself, having somehow taken the Marilyn Jones form Zeus had forced her into, the one that got her into being a superheroine in the first place. She looked around at the dusty landscape with sparse brush and then realized she was hot. Quite hot. She saw a road ahead and walked to it. Reaching it, she saw a small shop on the other side. She went in. An older woman sat in a rocking chair, crocheting, while an older man stocked Native American pottery on a shelf. Nereid looked at the man. "Can you help me?"

The man kept stocking the shelf.

"Excuse me, can you help me?"

The man kept stocking the shelf.

"Hello? Would you help me, please?"

"He's not going to help you. In fact, he's probably mad that I'm telling you he won't help you."

"Where am I?” Nereid quickly scanned her surroundings. "And why won't he help me?"

"You're in the desert. And he won't help you because your strange."

"But I look just like you."

"Honey, I didn't look that good on my best day. And besides, we can tell when someone is different."

"But you must help me. I must get to my father, I mean, the ocean before the week is out or I will perish."

"Well, the nearest ocean is about eight hundred miles away. And we aren’t got a car. And if we did, we wouldn't let you use it. So I guess you're going to perish."

"Can I use your phone?"

"Phone's busted. And even if it wasn't, we wouldn't let you use it.” The woman crocheted a stitch. "Say your prayers. You're going to need 'em."

---[]---

"Are you hearing all this, Investigator?"

"Yes," the Investigator said tersely through the speakerphone.

"Because a man of your skill will appreciate the device more fully, I'll tell you a little bit about the Psychotron. It acts as a kind of USB port to your brain. I can interface with the mind using 3d simulator programs. Ma and Pa kettle there were both played by me, although I have set them to artificial intelligence at the moment. Using information I wormed out of Ace, I have set up scenarios to subject your other two teammates to their greatest weaknesses.

"What about me?"

"Oh, I have plans for you. But first, let's see what's playing on the Wonder Channel."
-§-

---[]---

"Hi, Beth. I'm home."

Mrs. Wonderful, seated on the couch of her living room, rubbed her eyes and turned to the door. "Ben? But you're dead."

Mr. Wonderful put his coat and hat on the coat tree by the door. "Oh, that. It was just a silly mix up. I'm fine."

"But that's not possible. I mean--"

"I want to thank you hanging onto the Wonder Power for me while I was gone. But I'm back now, so you're not going to need it.” He placed his left hand on hers and their wedding bands touched. Mrs. Wonderful could feel mystic energy leaving her ring to his.

"But you can't do that.” Mrs. Wonderful started turning pale.

"Too late. I already have. After all, fighting injustice is really man's work.” An emergency signal sounded from his belt buckle. "And speaking of which, it looks like I have to go back out."

"You can't just take some of the power from me like that."

"Some of the power?” He laughed. "I'm taking it all. The transfer should finish in a few hours."

Mrs. Wonderful looked frightened. "But that will kill Me."

"Then I guess it won't matter if I tell you I also want a divorce.” He opened the door and left.

"But...” She stared at the closed door.

---[]---

"Fears of inadequacy. And an addiction to her super powers. Sometimes the most powerful are the most easily felled. Wouldn't you say, Investigator?” The Big Idea smiled at the intercom.

"I don't know that I should say much of anything to you anymore."

"Oh, you don't have to. Because you see, I know your weakness too. I know my psychotrons would have no sway over you, with your highly disciplined mind. No, your weakness has to come in the real world. Fortunately, I know what it is. Impotence. You can't stand not being able to change a situation you feel is wrong or unjust. You never have. It's why you're a hero. And it's what will break you as I put these two women through this exquisite torture, then kill them and Ace right before your eyes. They have it lucky. They get to die. You, on the other hand, will lose your one true super power: your mind." The Big Idea laughed. "What do you think of that?"

"I think...it's time for me to escape." The intercom went dead.

"You can't fool me. I know you're still in your cell." The Big Idea watched Mrs. Wonderful pace her living room floor muttering to herself. "You're not fooling me by pretending you aren't in there, Investigator. There's no way you got out." The Big Idea switched to Nereid for a moment, who was sitting the floor thinking. "It couldn't hurt to check." He switched the television to a camera monitoring the Investigator's cell. His jaw dropped. "Number eight, check the Investigator's cell.” The Big Idea pounded his fist on his chair. "You can't have gotten out. The alarm would have sounded."

"Sir, I'm looking through the window and I don't see him."

"Go in and see if he's still there. And watch out for a trap."

The lurker opened the door and walked in. "He's not there, sir."

"Fools. Did you take his jacket away?"

"Yes, sir, we--"

The alarm claxon sounded.

"Leave a skeleton crew in the underground lair! Everyone else, converge on the women! He must not be allowed to rescue the women! Stop him at all costs!"

-§-

---[]---

"I am a daughter of Olympus and I am not to meet my demise in a hovel surrounded by clay pots!"

The old woman rocked back and forth. "Genuine kiln fired pots."

Marilyn Jones stalked out of the store. "Kiln fired pots, my--" She stopped mid sentence and scurried to the back of the store.

"Oh, please let one of them is in my purse. Please, please, please.” She emptied the contents of her small purse to the ground. "No cigarettes or lighter. I would have had to give up smoking. But...yes! My reading glasses!” She gathered the small bits of paper tissue and receipts and piled them next to the building. She checked the material of the wall. "Wood. Oh, I love you.” She pulled out the glasses and focused the sunlight through one of the lenses onto the paper.

"If I'm going to get to the ocean, I need a vehicle. And a fire truck is a vehicle."

---[]---

The Investigator switched off the psychotron aimed through the window of Ace's cell and looked at the electronic combination lock. "Not enough time to brute force it.” He carefully took off his baseball cap, then his shirt. He untaped the two playing cards from his back. "Ace?"

"Is that really you, Investigator?"

"Yes, it's really me. The Big Idea has been playing with your mind."

"So you've come to rescue me."

"Well, you're going to sort of have to rescue yourself."

"Huh?"

"Your cards are biometric. So I can't fire them off. And I can't get the door open otherwise."

"Can't you just kick it in?"

"These doors were designed to contain Dubby. I'm good, but I'm not that good."

"Does she know you call her Dubby?"

"Look, I'm going to slide the two cards under the door. But that's it. They confiscated my coat with your extra pack of cards in it, my Spectrogoggles, and Cryptoanalyzer.” The Investigator slid the cards under the door.

"Let's see what you dealt me. The ace of spades. Very good. And the seven of hearts?"

"Just be glad I got any. Can you get out with either of those?"

"The ace is the place. But I only have so far back in here I can stand, so I before I possibly blow myself to bits, I got to tell you something and ask you something. What I have to ask you is, did I crack? Did I give anything away to the Big Idea. 'Cause in his hallucination, I told him our secrets. And I didn't want to let you guys down."

"You did fine. Don't worry about it. And what is it you wanted to tell me?"

"Stand back."

The Investigator jumped back and to the floor as the door caved in with a loud boom.

-§-

---[]---

Mrs. Wonderful tried to open the door, but it just rattled in the lock.

"I know he looks like Ben, but he can't be Ben."

She kicked the door, leaving a scuff mark.

"Let's go through this again. Ben said the only way that I would ever get the Wonder Power was if he was dead."

She flat-hand pounded on the door.

"And once you have it, it bonds to your soul."

She kicked the door again.

"So even if it was Ben, he can't take it back. And since I got it, he's dead."

She blew a strand of hair from her face and stared at the door.

"And since he's dead, that's not Ben. Which means Ben, the real Ben, still loves me.” She raised her left hand to the sky. "And I...Love...You!"

---[]---

"Yeowtch!” On the ground floor, as he and his lurkers approached the two women, The Big Idea dropped Mrs. Wonderful's wedding ring.

"What's wrong, boss?"

"The bimbo's ring. It got scorching hot all of a sudden.” He took a pen from his lab coat, slid the ring onto it and into his pocket.

"Maybe the Investigator is firing a laser at you."

"Well if he is, then you'd better find him, shouldn't you?"

"Hey, Boss. Are your psycho-thingies supposed to beep?"

Meanwhile, underground, smoke wafted from the exploded door.

Ace coughed. "Well, what do you know? I'm not dead."

"You're going to be!” Two lurkers with machine guns raced toward Ace and the prone Investigator.

"What sparkling dialogue!” Ace whipped the seven of hearts at the two men, who stopped at the shower of fireworks. The Investigator hopped up and kicked one hard in the knee. He and Ace punched the other one simultaneously.

"Grab the guns, Ace. Why is that one the seven of hearts?"

"'Cause I love the fourth of July."

"Why not four?"

"Can we just get your jacket and my cards, please?"

Above, the lurkers were pacing. "Shouldn't we see what's happening downstairs?"

"Even if he is down there, he'll be coming up here. He can't defeat all of you, even with Ace and his trick cards. No. He needs these women. And that's how we'll get him."

"Boss, now the other psycho-whosis is beeping too."

-§-

---[]---

"A helicopter?” Marilyn Jones stared at the chopper overhead.

"You don't think we have a fire hydrant out here do you?” The old woman cackled.

Marilyn bit her lip. "I guess not. But I think that 'copter has a radio.” Marilyn closed her eyes, concentrated, and thrust her hand skyward. The spray of water raining down on the building reversed itself and slammed into the helicopter. The chopper turned to fly off, but a geyser of water from the now transformed Nereid smacked the rotor with such force that the copter pitched and plummeted toward the ground.

"Now you've done it!"

Nereid ran over to the chopper wreckage.

"They'll send the army after you!" the old woman yelled after her.

"Good! I can drive stick!” As she looked through the wreckage for the radio, she noticed something odd: there was no pilot.

---[]---

Mrs. Wonderful slammed into the door with her shoulder. It creased slightly.

"Strength! Speed!” She ran to the other side of the room, then rammed the door. It buckled.

She rubbed her shoulder. "Okay. Strength! Speed! Flight!” She flew a figure eight pattern in her living room, building up speed, then hurtled at the door like a missile.

---[]---

The entire complex went pitch dark around the Big Idea, who was glowing in the dark.

The lurkers turned toward the leader. "The Investigator! He cut the power!"

"Actually, I think that was me.” Mrs. Wonderful tore open the Big Idea's lab coat. Her ring, now brightly glowing, fell to the floor. "This belongs to me."

"She's broken free. Get her!"

"Her? What about me?” Nereid blasted the Big Idea with a water jet.

"Lights, camera, Ace action!” Ace tossed flare cards in the air, illuminating the complex. Mrs. Wonderful and the Nereid began pummeling the lurkers.

"Here's some stun fun, hon!” Ace peppered some fleeing lurkers with stun cards.

With the three attacking other foes, the Big Idea slipped behind a crate and pulled out a lurker dial. "He who fights and runs away..."

Mrs. Wonderful punched one lurker into the air, where a spray blast from Nereid knocked him down. Ace spotted two guys trying to open the door to the underground chamber. "Say 'Good Night' Gracie!” He whipped a sleep gas card between them.

"Good night, Gracie.” Mrs. Wonderful said as she tossed a lurker into another one.

Nereid kicked a lurker in the gut. "I don't get it."

"I'll tell you something else we don't have, ladies: the Big Idea."

"And where's the Investigator?"

The Investigator stepped forward from the door, with the Big Idea in a set of his plastic handcuffs. "I was just rounding up the trash."

-§-

"It's a good thing the Big Idea was wanted for breaking jail in the first place. I'd hate to have to testify in court.” Ace sipped on a cola back at headquarters.

Nereid looked at him out of the side of her eyes. "Afraid to embarrass the Colonel?"

"Afraid to admit I got kidnapped so easily."

"If there's anything this little excursion taught us, it's that we're all vulnerable, in many ways.” The Investigator stretched his neck.

"Would you like me to rub the kink out?” Mrs. Wonderful put her sandwich down on the table.

"Only if the Wonder Power is off.” The Investigator smiled.

"Hey, Xanquilyn. I have a crick in my neck, too!"

"Here's a water massage.” Nereid sprayed him in the face.

"Put. You weren't so vulnerable, I-man. I mean, you had my cards."

"Which I can't use, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. So how did you get out of the cell?"

"I didn't. At least I didn't when they thought I did. OW!"

Mrs. Wonderful smiled. "So spill it, or I'll power up."

"Well, they took my jacket from me, but they didn't take my hat."

"What, you have a teleportation device in your hat?"

"No. But I did have the lurker dial I took from the first lurker. And I hid that in the hat, while I was fighting the mob."

Nereid shook her head. "You hid it while you were fighting."

"I can do two things at one time. At any rate, it flattened me to two dimensions, and then I flattened against the door wall. Once they opened the door and stepped in, I slipped out and hid until I could spring Ace. I used it again to guard the door, in case any of them tried to slip out. And one of them did, although it was harder to see in the dark.” The Investigator looked around the room. "Which one of you cut the lights?"

Mrs. Wonderful blushed. "I think it was me."

"How?"

"I busted out of his scenario. Literally as it turned out.” She took a bite of her sandwich. "I guess if I believe I'm wearing the ring it acts like I'm wearing it. I guess."

"Well, I was on my way to busting out, too. Of course, I would have had to take on the whole army."

"Ladies, I was coming to rescue you both! Remember, you always have an Ace up your sleeve."

Nereid frowned. "And you usually have to smack his hand for doing so."

Finis

Coming soon, pictures of the Four from the other thread and a brand new story, posted in segments.

Awesome, possum!

We're not worthy, we're not worthy! That is hilarious!

Very cool. Thanks for compiling it in one post now. =)

Great Stuff! Can't wait for more stories.

Welcome to Stickyland.

I think we've found the title for the next "IMWAN FOUR" adventure!

Actually, I might use that for the one after the next one, which is already titled and plotted.

"You mean you don't just make this stuff up as you go along?"

James, at the risk of beating the old joke horse to death, yer old stuff wuz better!

Darren, what old stuff are you talking about?

The IMWAN Four:

The Investigator
Mrs. Wonderful
Ace (with Rusty the Boy Sidekick)
The Nereid

In

Purple Hazing

A sailboat floated languidly along the surface of Oceanside's Whisper Cove. On a bench in the park overlooking the waterway sat a man and a woman huddled close, sharing intimate words not meant for other's ears.

"And if you press this button, my Cryptoanalyzer can also act as a stun gun."

Marilyn Jones, a k a the Nereid, held the Investigator's Cryptoanalyzer in her hand, smiling approvingly. "The things you come up with amaze me sometimes."

Wayne Turman, a k a the Investigator, blushed a little. "It's just what I do. Most women find it boring. Most people find it boring."

Marilyn grinned. "I don't."

There was loud beeping around them. The Investigator sighed. "Your signal or mine?"

Marilyn frowned. "I think both." Marilyn fished a cell phone like device from her purse, while Wayne pulled a similar one from his pants pocket. They turned their backs on each other and held a hand up to the ear not pressed to the communicator.

"What, Mayor Carstairs? A bomb? Yes, ma'am. I'm on my way." The Investigator closed his communicator and waved his Cryptoanalyzer in the air. The Seeker, his zhang-wave powered transport, edged slowly toward him over the grass. "I have to go. Someone has planted a bomb in Foundry City and the mayor wants me to find it."

"That's okay. Mine was the police. Seems one of my 'regulars' has decided to terrorize the town square." Marilyn put her communicator back into her purse. "Thank you for lunch."

"My pleasure. We'll have to do it again, sometime."

"Without communicators."

The Investigator smiled and opened the hatch to the Seeker. "See you this evening at the IMWAN Lair?"

"Sure thing. Call me if you need my help."

"I might call you even if I don't." The Investigator closed the hatch of the Seeker and sped up and off.

The Nereid looked up at the ascending craft, frowned, and smacked her head. "I should have asked him for a ride." She trotted off to her car.

sigh

Sensahumah lost on this guy!

Not really. I happened to read your post while coming out of what I call my writer's coma. It takes a while before I am completely in synch with the rest of reality. By the time I realized it wasn't a criticism but merely a witticism, I was busily eating dinner.

That's better than what usually happens with Darren's posts. Most of 'em aren't funny at first and then stay that way.

They're just too clever for you canonized buffoons ta figger out! Until its too late, mwah ah ah ah ah!

See what I mean?

Oh, yeah! Well, do YOU see what *I* mean???! HUH? Do ya?!

Chapter 1: The Nereid.

The crowd in Oceanside's square fled in all directions, their hands over their heads. A man with wings circled over where they had gathered.

"Smok, smok! It's the Seagull coming at you, desecrating your new statue!" The Seagull swooped low and shot a gob of his disgusting goo toward the statue of Alice Ravenscroft, author of the Plum School Kids series of books. It still was partly covered in the unveiling tarpaulin. "Smok, smok! I have made no plans to stop. Let me make a another drop!" The crowd screeched as he turned for another pass. A stream of seawater shot past him. "Smok, smok! Better than a Plum School Kid, it's my chum, the Nereid."

"I'm not your chum, you annoying little freak!" The Nereid shot another water jet, which the Seagull dodged.

"Smok, smok! Little? I don't think so, boo. I am much more tall than you! Have a taste of my bird goo!" The Seagull banked and dive, firing a goo blast at her.

Nereid hit the ground and rolled away from it. "You look like you could use some friends, bird boy." Nereid concentrated and a swarm of seagulls came off the ocean and toward the Seagull.

"Smok, smok! No fair calling in my brothers! How'm I going to face their mothers?" The Seagull gained altitude, the pecking birds in hot pursuit. "Smok, smok! One thing before I leave town, I'm taking that statue down! He power dived toward the statue.

Nereid shot him with a water blast, which knocked him off target into the tarp. As she approached he flung the tarp at her. She became entangled in it and he shot her and the tarpaulin with a blast of goo.

"Smok, smok. I know that my goo won't last, so I'd better do this fast." He cut a chunk of goo containing her hair with his talons. The Nereid assumed the form of water and seeped out the bottom of the tarpaulin, then reassembled herself, only to see the Seagull streaking away faster than she could pursue. She called the gulls back.

A civilian woman came up to her. "What do you think he wanted?"

"What does he ever want?"

The woman blinked. "Well, he certainly wanted something. He kept saying, let me see, something like 'Not as far as I can see. Where is she?" A man stepped next to the woman. "I heard it. It was 'Nowhere far as I can see. Oh, where is she? Oh, where is she?' Could he have been waiting for you?"

"With that nut, it could have been Eleanor Roosevelt. Thanks to you both." Nereid looked at the goo covered street. "Looks like I have some clean up to do."

My old stuff is better, but I will soldier on.

Chapter 2: The Investigator

"It's crazy, Investigator." Mayor Carol Carstairs threw her hands up in frustration at the pictures and the note spread across her conference table.

The Investigator turned up the corner of one of the pictures to see the trademark stamp of an eye, the signature of his long-time nemesis All-Seeing Iris. "Iris is a lot of things, your honor, but crazy is not one of them. So where's the ransom note?"

"No ransom, Investigator. Just the note. 'Find the bomb.' Well, duh."

"Iris doesn't kill for kicks. In fact, I don't recall her killing at all. There's a reason for this. But I don't know that I have time to figure it out now. Which of these pictures was on top in the package?"

"Laurel and Hardy."

"Are the rest in order?"

Mayor Carstairs shook her head. "How is anyone supposed to figure this out?"

"Anyone isn't. I am." The Investigator flipped on his Cryptoanalyzer and had it project onto the wall. "Alexandria on."

"Computer analysis system Alexandria on line. Waiting for biometric confirmation."

The Investigator took off his glove and placed his thumb on the receiving pad of the Cryptoanalyzer.

"User Administrator recognized. Begin query."

"Alexandria, check department of streets records for roadways containing Laurel or Hardy."

"Laurel Lane found."

"Project." A red line following the street's contour crossed what was now a city map on the projection. "Alexandria, cross reference Martin or Lewis roadways that intersect Laurel Lane and project." Two red lines appeared on different parts of town. "From here heading down Laurel Lane to Martin Road, you could only make a left turn and Dean Martin is on the left. Lewis Street you could make a right and a left but since Martin is a left turn, Lewis would have to be a right. Alexandria, find any cross streets of Martin Road or Lewis Street referencing Burns or Allen, loose matching for either."

"Burns Avenue intersects Martin Road." A blue line appeared on the screen.

"Burns is on the left. Alexandria, look for any streets named Gleason intersecting or near Burns heading south. Loose matching."

"None found."

"Alexandria, same query, substitute Jackie."

"None found."

"Alexandria, Jackie or Gleason, include businesses."

"None found."

"Alexandria, expand last query, adding Ralph and Kramden."

"None found."

The Investigator pushed his hat up off his forehead, then looked at the picture of Jackie Gleason in his uniform hat.

"Alexandria, expand last query, adding bus."

"Whippet Bus Station main terminal" A bulls eye target pulsated on screen.

"You did it. I'll have the terminal evacuated immediately."

The Investigator opened the conference room window and stepped onto the boarding stairs for the Seeker. "While that's wise, Ma'am, it's going to prove unnecessary. The bomb won't be in the terminal."

Mayor Cartstairs looked stunned. "Why?"

"All the other pictures were pairs. Both people in the picture were key. There's only one person in Ralph Kramden's picture. It's the missing person that tells us where the bomb is. I have to go." The Investigator closed the hatch and flew off.

"Miss Dunphy, what do you know about the Honeymooners?"

---

The Seeker glided to a landing outside the front doors of the bus terminal. The police were shuttling people out of the terminal. The Investigator debarked and looked around at the roadway in front of the terminal. He spotted a manhole cover and went to it. After giving it the once over with his Spectrogoggles, he lifted the lid, pushed it to one side, and started to descend down the manhole. A woman broke from the evacuating crowd, sprinted to the manhole, snatched the Investigator's hat and ran off into an alley.

"Can't worry about it now." Going the rest of the way down the manhole, the Investigator spotted the bomb. He cut the wires and carried the bomb out of the sewer. "As they say in the movies, there's something odd about this."

Please comment, even if it's just to say "Eh, it doesn't suck too bad. I won't kill you...for now."