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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 7:54 pm 
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What do you call a camel with three humps?

Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 58174
Location: Indiana
Here's the script to Strongarm #1. Offer any comments you'd like - the first issue didn't turn out like we wanted. The other issues are much stronger, and if we had the chance, we'd go back and reshuffle/rewrite a bunch of issue 1. Anyhow, read on. One note is that pages 9-13 are done Marvel style, as they were part of the proposal. The rest of the book is full script. And yes, I had to track down some of this in some old e-mails, so I hope you're happy! :)

PAGE 1
This page is a splash with two inset panels at the bottom.

PANEL 1
This is a “helicopter shot” (not a birds-eye shot, more of an angle from the sky). It's an establishing shot of the city, which is made up of giant, extremely tall skyscrapers. It's nighttime. There are flying cars everywhere. Here are some appropriately futuristic skyscrapers to use for reference. Don't copy these; just use them to help your imagination. Lots of windows, lots of glass.

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/federatio ... craper.jpg
http://www.sjphoto.com/hk-web/images/HK-skyscraper.jpg
http://www.hep.man.ac.uk/u/christina/ph ... craper.jpg
http://anil.recoil.org/gallery/images/u ... 5-d2-2.jpg

That last reference is a good example of the angle I need.

CAPTION: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BROTHER.

PANEL 2
Close in on a man's hand, who's attaching a futuristic device to the side of a building. The design is up to you, but it's a design that suggests that it will be doing something to the glass.

PANEL 3
Pull out to reveal a hovercar with three passengers. It's parallel to the side of one the glass window of the futuristic buildings – an especially tall, important-looking one. The front passenger, who's adjusting the device with his fingertips, is NICK. He looks exactly like Rob except for a nasty scar across his face. The two people in the back of the car are a white woman and black man, CHELLE and RAY. All three are wearing black. RAY has a satchel over his shoulder and CHELLE has a technological eyepiece over one eye. If we can see them, all three of them have toolbelts with small miniaturized devices attached to them. CHELLE and RAY are looking at each other and smirking.
RAY: STORY TIME AGAIN.
CHELLE: JOY.

PAGE 2
Panel 1
POV: Chelle and Ray. Nick's continuing to fiddle with the device, but he turns his head around to glare at Chelle and Ray for a second.

Panel 2
POV: Chelle and Ray. Nick turns back to the device and continues talking. It requires a lot of fiddling to get just right, like he's tuning a frequency. Leave space for dialogue here.

NICK: HE'S 28 AND DELIVERS PACKAGES TO OVERLORD TOADIES FOR A LIVING.
NICK: IT GALLS ME – HIS LACK OF AMBITION.

Panel 3
Close on Ray, but we can see the back of Nick's head in the foreground.
RAY: AND I SUPPOSE YOU'VE TOLD HIM THAT MANY TIMES.
NICK: OF COURSE. YOU KNOW I ASKED HIM TO JOIN THE RESISTANCE A YEAR AGO.
NICK: YOU KNOW WHAT HE TOLD ME?

Panel 4
Close on Chelle. She's amused.
SOMETHING ANATOMICALLY IMPOSSIBLE?

Panel 5
Nick turns his head to look at Chelle and is about to say something, but the device beeps loudly behind him.
NICK: ...
SFX: BREEP BREEP BREEP BREEP

PAGE 3
Panel 1

Medium shot of the entire hovercar and the giant window in front of it. The window is shimmering madly, like it's made of liquid metal. The three of them are looking at it.
NICK: YES!
RAY: TIME TO HIT THE OVERLORD - WHERE IT REALLY HURTS!
CHELLE: DAMN STRAIGHT! LET'S GO!

Panel 2
The three of them leap from the hovercar straight into the window! They should be half in the window at this point. Ray has his satchel still.

PAGE 4
Panel 1 - HALF PAGE

MEDIUM SHOT - It's a dark, narrow alley with concrete walls. This should be a side view of the assassin and Rob.
A giant of a man with a bald head and scarring across the length of his skull is wearing the Strongarm arms! They look stylistically very different and much, much more sinister than the arms as they appear on the cover or our sample pages. This is our ASSASSIN. He's slamming one arm, balled up into kind of a half fist, straight through a concrete wall only inches from the face of ROB, whose arms are shielding his face. He's recoiling in fear. Rob is still normal and doesn't have the arms yet. Think of the scene in THE MATRIX where Mr. Smith punches through the concrete at the subway station. There should be concrete flying everywhere.

SFX: CRACK!

Panel 2
LONG SHOT - Rob scrambles away from the assassin, who's grinning. The assassin is toying with Rob.
ASSASSIN: Nothing personal, kid.

Panel 3
LONG SHOT - Rob reaches his BIKE, parked at one end of the one-way alley. Rob's bike looks like a jet-powered bicycle. It's got a jet engine instead of wheels and it looks like something a delivery boy might own. It's futuristic but really beat-up in a Blade Runner or Battlestar Galactica kind of way. The bike has a baseball bat strapped to it, as guns are outlawed.
ASSASSIN (off): You just found yourself in the wrong place…

Panel 4
CLOSE IN on Rob's hand as he pulls the bat free!
ASSASSIN (off): …at the wrong time.

PAGE 5

Panel 1
MEDIUM SHOT - The ASSASSIN slams his arm down on the bike, smashing it to pieces! Rob rolls away just in time, baseball bat in hand. The assassin didn't see Rob take the bat.

SFX: CRUNCH!

Panel 2
ASSASSIN's POV: Rob's cowering in the corner of the alley. He's got the bat positioned at an angle so that the assassin can't see it, but we can. We can see the claws of the assassin in the foreground as he approaches Rob.
ASSASSIN: THAT WAS KIND OF FUN.
ASSASSIN: GOT ANYTHING ELSE I CAN BREAK?

Panel 3
CLOSEUP: Close on Rob as he's clutching the bat hard; he's trembling.

Panel 4
MEDIUM SHOT: The assassin pulls his arm back for the kill, intending to drive it through Rob's head! The claws look especially sharp here.
ASSASSIN (off panel): I KNOW - YOUR SKULL!

PAGE 6

SPLASH
Rob swings the bat in a full, circular arc, catching the assassin full in the head, caving it in in a disgusting spray of blood, brain and skull pieces! Echh. It looks like the bat narrowly misses the claws. It's a one in a million shot.

SFX: SBLORKCH

PAGE 7
Panel 1
MEDIUM SHOT - ROB's POV: Practically headless, the assassin is still moving! It staggers back to the opposite corner as Rob, who is now on his feet thanks to that baseball swing. He's got bits of the assassin's head all over him. Rob's hands are open and he has let go of the bat. The bat has just now hit the floor and is covered in blood.

Panel 2
ROB'S POV: The assassin hits the corner of the alley wall with a thud.

Panel 3
ROB's POV: The assassin slides down, finally dead!

PAGE 8
Panel 1
Rob backs up from the body. His hand is on his mouth. He's horrified and shocked.
ROB: YOU -- I --
ROB: F-FOUR SEASONS OF LITTLE LEAGUE -
ROB: FINALLY PAID OFF!

Panel 2
Rob backs up more quickly. Get him into the position he's in on Page 1 of the sample page.
ROB: IF THE OVERLORD'S STOOGES SEE THIS -
ROB: I'M DEAD...

PAGE 9
With a sickening sound, the arms detach themselves from the villain's body and crawl up Rob’s leg! The assassin's arms look weak and atrophied now that the metal arms are no longer there.
Rob is horrified, and falls backward to the cement pavement; the disgusting arms slither up the man's body and down his arms.

(Please fill this page with the appropriate disgusting sound effects,
but don't overdo it. Just whatever you think is appropriate - these are
nasty organic arms that are extricating themselves from one person and
attaching themselves to another.)
Panel 2
ROB: "WHAT THE HELL?!"
Panel 4
ROB: OH MY GOD!
Panel 5
ROB: UHH!

PAGE 10
Close in on the arms as they attach themselves to him. The arms are hollow; what happens here is the underside of the arms slides back, the arms settle themselves on Rob’s arms, and they closes around his forearm, hands and fingers.
Pan up a bit to the left elbow; wires and tubes fly from the arms and inject themselves into his body. Same deal with the right elbow.
Panel 1
ROB: NNNGGGHHH!
SFX: BLORTCH!
Panel 2
ROB: NNGGGGGHHHH!!

PAGE 11
Rob screams as the arms fully assert themselves!

ROB: NGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

PAGE 12
Another flashback. A scene set in a towering, creaky lakeshore pub with lots of old fashioned but futuristic technology. This is set a few months after Rob’s confrontation with Lyndsey’s boyfriend.
Rob waits for Lindsey but is stood up.

CAPTION: THREE MONTHS EARLIER...
Panel 2:
ROB: HMPF.
Panel 3:
ROB: WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?
PANEL 4 (the small one):
ROB: I AM GOING TO *KILL* --
SFX: SLAM!
PANEL 5
(no dialog)

PAGE 13
As he climbs down the ladder and out the door, he takes a few steps on to the boardwalk and sees Lindsey.
She turns to him and has a black eye from fighting with her abusive boyfriend, who's a sergeant in the military.
Rob turns away, staring out at the lake.
Rob looks back at her with a surprised expression, as this is the first time she’s ever confessed that she’s wanted to leave her boyfriend. She looks as surprised as he does, and they see each other in a new light for the first time...

PANEL 1:
(no dialog)
PANEL 2:
ROB: WHAT HAPPENED?
LYNDSEY: NOTHING ... NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING ABOUT.
PANEL 3:
ROB: I WISH I COULD.
ROB: I KNOW IT'S WRONG TO WISH SOMEBODY DEAD, BUT ...
PANEL 4:
LYNDSEY: YOU'RE HELPING, ROB. JUST BY BEING HERE.
LYNDSEY: I'M LEAVING HIM.

PAGE 14

PANEL 1
Close on Rob. He's moved closer to Lyndsey. He's surprised. His eyebrows are raised.
ROB: YOU-YOU'RE -
ROB: SOMEHOW I DON'T THINK ANTH WILL -

PANEL 2
LYNDSEY looks at ROB and he shuts up.

PANEL 3
POV: Lyndsey. Rob has a look of realization on his face.
ROB: YOUR DAD'S IN THE OVERLORD POLICE.
LYNDSEY: I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

PANEL 4
POV: Lyndsey. ROB closes the distance and grabs LYNDSEY's shoulders.
ROB: BUT – THEY'LL KILL HIM!
LYNDSEY: AFTER WHAT HE DID TO ME – I DON'T MUCH CARE RIGHT NOW.
LYNDSEY: YOU WISHED HIM DEAD.

PAGE 15

SPLASH
Present day. Lyndsey's apartment. It's messy, but not in a gross way. As in there are papers and books and stuff all over, but not dirty clothes. It's kind of dark with only a single lamp illuminating the room. There's a large window against one wall with the curtains drawn. Lyndsey's sitting up in bed clutching her pillow to her chest. She's wearing a casual outfit suitable for a first date.
CAPTION: LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT WHAT YOU WISHED FOR.

PAGE 16

PANEL 1
Lyndsey grabs the future-cell-phone next to her.

PANEL 2
Close on her thumb as we clearly see that she's punched Dial on the phone.

PANEL 3
Pull back to her face. She's talking to the voicemail – again. Leave room for dialogue.
LYNDSEY: ROB, WHERE ARE YOU? IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO -
LYNDSEY: IF - ARE YOU AVOIDING ME OR WHAT?

PAGE 17
PANEL 1
Same shot, different angle.
LYNDSEY: I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. PLEASE CALL ME.

PANEL 2
She hangs up. Now she's talking to herself a bit.
LYNDSEY: PROBABLY TRIED TO TAKE THE PISS OUT OF ONE OF MY DAD'S COP BUDDIES.

PANEL 3
She's miming a gun shooting with the fingers of her left hand, the one not holding the phone.
LYNDSEY: “THE OVERLORD DECIDES! BANG!”

PANEL 4
A nearby building just exploded from outside! Her building is shaking and the windows are rattling! The immense light and heat is casting enormous shadows on the entire room! Lyndsey reacts in horror, dropping her phone and the pillow!
SFX: BOOOOOOOOOM!

PAGE 18
PANEL 1
Lyndsey thrusts aside the bedroom window curtains.

PANEL 2
Angle from behind Lyndsey's head as we can see the building burning through the window in the background. This is the same building that Nick and his resistance buddies entered an hour ago. Lyndsey's hand is over her mouth.
LYNDSEY: THE OVERBANK BUILDING...
LYNDSEY: AND ROB'S OUT IN IT!

PANEL 3
This one's kind of tricky, so it's up to you what kind of angle or how you want to frame it. Basically, it looks like this:

1. Rob has climbed up the side of the building and is just now in view. He has one arm back, in a ghostly parallel to the assassin from earlier in the book. He means to smash through Lyndsey's window.
2. Lyndsey sees Rob but has not yet reacted other than her eyes are wide.
3. We can still see the burning building as a backdrop.

PAGE 19
Splash page! Rob smashes through Lyndsey's window. There is shattered glass in the air everywhere! Lyndsey is falling backwards! We can possibly still see the flaming building and the shadows it's casting.

PAGE 20
Panel 1
POV: Rob. Rob grabs Lyndsey around the throat with his claws, but doesn't cut her skin!

Panel 2
He smacks her against the wall!

Panel 3
Close up. Rob's claws are close to Lyndsey's face and we can see her wide eyes. She's speechless for the moment.

Panel 4
Close up further on Lyndsey's eyes. There's a flicker of recognition.
LYNDSEY: R-ROB?


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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:29 pm 
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous

Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Posts: 27856
Location: In the IMWANican
Ha! I have used links to images for references as well. It's cheating but effective cheating.

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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:07 pm 
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What do you call a camel with three humps?

Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 58174
Location: Indiana
It's not cheating at all. :) Everyone does it...


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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:20 pm 
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous

Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Posts: 27856
Location: In the IMWANican
There are many paths to the same goal. Some are quicker than others. Comic script writing can be very diverse.

I liked what Wizard did not too long ago. Examples of the work of different writers.

Click for full size

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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:21 pm 
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous

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Click for full size

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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:22 pm 
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous

Joined: 11 Dec 2006
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Location: In the IMWANican
Click for full size

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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:22 pm 
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous

Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Posts: 27856
Location: In the IMWANican
Click for full size

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I put the "mental" in "sacramental."


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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:56 pm 
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What do you call a camel with three humps?

Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 58174
Location: Indiana
Funny how back when they were scripting this, they thought 52 would be code-approved!


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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:21 pm 
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It definitely couldn't have been done 15 or 20 years ago.

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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:37 pm 
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What do you call a camel with three humps?

Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 58174
Location: Indiana
Anyway, back to my script - anything else jump out at you besides the use of weblinks for references?


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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 5:39 pm 
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous

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I notice your description of things tends to be fairly sparse here. Has that changed as you went on to further issues?

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 Post subject: Strongarm #1 Script
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 11:09 pm 
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What do you call a camel with three humps?

Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 58174
Location: Indiana
I tend to be a pretty non-verbose scripter, counting on the artist to do his job and not have me do it for him! It's worked out pretty well so far.


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