http://www.nme.com/news/razorlight/28162

>> Worst lyrics of all time revealed!

Des'ree's 1990s hit 'Life' contains the worst pop lyrics of all time, according to a listener poll held by BBC 6 Music.

Thanks to music fans voting in the station's Taxing Lyrical survey, Des'ree won the unflattering honour over Razorlight's 'Somewhere Else' and Snap's 'Rhythm Is A Dancer' - the latter artists both collecting 30 per cent of the votes respectively.

The offending Des'ree lyrics are: "I don't want to see a ghost/It's the sight that I fear most/I'd rather have a piece of toast
/Watch the evening news".

6 Music presenter Marc Riley, who counts down the Taxing Lyrical Top Ten tonight (May 4) says, "Bad lyrics can come in all forms - some acceptable, some less so. Dumb is sometimes OK, but pious and pretentious and pompous are obviously never to be encouraged nor tolerated."

ABC singer Martin Fry, who is at number 4 for his lyrics to 'That Was Then But This Is Now', told Riley, "I have been waiting for this kind of accolade for years. The most memorable lyrics are often the stupidest."

The BBC 6 Music Taxing Lyrical Top 10 is as follows:

1. Des'ree - 'Life'
"I don't want to see a ghost/It's the sight that I fear most/I'd rather have a piece of toast/Watch the evening news"

2. Snap - 'Rhythm Is A Dancer'
"I'm as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer"

3. Razorlight - 'Somewhere Else'
"And I met a girl/She asked me my name/I told her what it was"

4. ABC - 'That Was Then But This Is Now'
"More sacrifices than an Aztec priest/Standing here straining at that leash/All fall down/Can't complain, mustn't grumble/Help yourself to another piece of apple crumble!"

5. U2 - 'Elevation'
"I've got no self control/Been living like a mole now/Going down, excavation/High and high in the sky/You make me feel like I can fly/So high/Elevation"

6. Toto - 'Africa'
"The wild dogs cry out in the night/As they grow restless longing for some solitary company/I know that I must do what's right/Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti"

7. Oasis - 'Champagne Supernova'
"Slowly walking down the hall/Faster than a cannonball/Where were you when we were getting high?"

8. Duran Duran - 'Is There Something I Should Know?'
"And fiery demons all dance when you walk through that door
Don't say you're easy on me you're about as easy as a nuclear war"

9. Human League - 'The Lebanon'
"Before he leaves the camp he stops/He scans the world outside/And where there used to be some shops/Is where the snipers sometimes hide"

10. Black Sabbath - 'War Pigs'
"Generals gathered in their masses/Just like witches at black masses" <<

Hey...that Toto one is cool. I'm impressed they managed to fit the word Kilimanjaro into a pop/rock song. Not only that, but they mention Olympus and the Serengeti in the same breath. Unfair.

I think Elevation should've been higher on the list. It's U2's worst ever in my opinion.

Not that I'm a huge fan of Oasis, but Champagne Supernova's lyrics aren't that silly. Wonderwall has much dumber lyrics.

Where the heck did "Rasputin" by Boney M finish? My favorite bad lyrics ever!

"RAH-RAH-RAH-SPEW-TEEN!
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone!
RAH-RAH-RAH-SPEW-TEEN!
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on!"

...and that's just the chorus!

hard to believe there isn't a paul mccartney song in there somewhere.

renny

I'm surprised that no Jon Anderson lyrics were chosen!

Nothing from that "obtuse" Topographic Oceans ?!?!

Before the hate mail starts, I should remind everyone that I have been a Yes fan since the year that they opened for Black Sabbath. I was in high school.....

What about Sting's "The Russians love their children too"? As if there ever was any doubt!

How about this profound passage from Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven"?:

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the may queen

P.S.: Before the death threats come pouring in, let me state (for the record) that I have always been a HUGE Led Zeppelin fan. In fact, I consider all of Zeppelin's eight regular studio albums to be must-owns. Despite the goofy lyrics above, "Stairway to Heaven" is a great song, from a great album, by a great band!

I can't believe either U2 or Oasis made that list. Ridiculous.

It appears that this list is limited to UK artists but, were it expanded to the USA, Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire" would have to rank very, very high.

Another strong candidate is "We Are The World".

I too was mystified by those lines back when I listened to that particular album, but sometimes lyrics are just chosen because the words sound good when they are sung, all the right syllables are stressed here for euphony.

I thought 'bustle in your hedgerow/spring clean for the may queen' was some kind of obscure sexual innuendo. As if to suggest that the may queen were making out with someone in the hedgerow....or something.

And Billy Joel's We didn't start the fire does belong on that list. Near the top, in fact.

Cliff Richard Wired For Sound - hands down worst. Ever.

Honourable mention must go to Barry Manilow BErmuda Trianlge, and more recently I Predict A Riot ad some very very bad efforts to contort sentences to fit the rhyme scheme

Exhibit One

Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible either

Agadoo by Black Lace should be included in there, as well. Along with the entire back-catalogue of Buck's Fizz.

"Suzy And Jeffrey" by Blondie:

Suzy and Jeffrey
They're gonna get married
They're going for a blood test

What if I don't pass my blood test
What about our marriage license
What if I can't be deprogrammed
Don't act like it's your last chance
We could have fun at the Spahn Ranch
It's not like Gordon Avenue

Suzy and Jeffrey
They're gonna get married
They're going for a blood test
Jeffrey said Let's wait
Sue took her foot off of the brake
He drove into a wall

Don't get excited now don't shout
I'll scratch your eyes out
Now we can't have our honeymoon
Don't touch she's my fiance
Say but I like the way you play
An autograph from Orson Welles



P.S.: I don't get what's so bad about "We Didn't Start The Fire." I'm not saying it's a great song, but the worst lyrics ever? I must be missing something.

I think "Suzy and Jeffrey" is one of my favorite songs actually. It captured the same zany humor that was the territory of the B-52's, and in doing so, criticized American popular "kitschy" culture. I think the song was trying to present the casual way Americans treat marriage (consider the divorce rate). First, how romantic is this marriage, when the first event is "we are going for our blood test"? How much do I have to hide if I am worried I won't pass my blood test? How intimate can this relationship be if I have reason to doubt that? Does my "fiance" know that I need deprogramming, i.e. I am actually a cult member and he/she/it does not know that? How successful can this marriage be if Jeffrey is already considering postponement? And, even though they are sitting so close that they can share driving (Sue is doing the braking), how close are they if Sue's reaction to his doubts is to scratch his eyes out? How much love is shared if the only disappointment is that now they can't have their honeymoon? And, in the end, someone's playing is more important than the failed marriage plot.

Really I think this song is about how the culture's conception of marriage changed from the doe-eyed romanticism of "Chapel of Love" to the coldly comical "Suzy and Jeffrey". "Going to the chapel of love" becomes "Going for a blood test". The song is sort of like a Warhol painting that comes to life. Marriage is just getting a blood test, and having a honeymoon, while hoping no secrets come out first.

Not so dumb after all, and it can make you laugh everytime you hear it! Plus you can dance to it.

What, no Steve Miller Band?

Chip

But Black Lace never meant that they should be taken seriously. They were crap and gloried in it. It was their whole point, in many ways.

Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)
( Blessed Union Of Souls )

She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good 'cause I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'

She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed

She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch to much t.v.

And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when

She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in "Fargo"
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Yeah, I'm so glad I found her once again

Gazing at the ceiling
As we entertain our feelings in the dark
The things that we're afraid of are gonna show us
What we're made of in the end


She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavarotti
Or because she thinks I'm such a hottie
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Why does she waste all her time with me ?
There must be something there that I don't see
I don't see

She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey
Unlike the Cable Guy
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Found her once again
Once again
Yeah, I'm so glad I found her once again

I bet she regrets the day she found him!

eez purty barfy

"There were stones and birds and rocks and things..."

"The heat was hot and the air was dry..."

Science says Horse With No Name has the dumbest lyrics ever.

That is a GREAT choice! I think that it's plants instead of stones though, not that it makes any more sense....

I always wondered why there were rings in the desert.

On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings

"Battleships confide in me, and tell me where you are
shining, flying, purple wolfhounds show me where you are..."


I never saw a purple wolfhound, I never hope to see one...but I can tell you anyhow, I'd rather see than be one.

Isn't it "plants and birds and rocks and things"? Which is a much better lyric!