2007

I want to thank everyone here at imWAN for a fantastic election. With 41 total votes for the election, I think Jacob is correct in that we had a great turn out.

I want to thank everyone who ran in the election for your participation. You are all good sports and a credit to the imWAN community.

The imWANian President has no authority whatsoever. The position is strictly a figure head, who is in touch with all of imWAN, and will be imWAN's biggest spokesperson. They must be prepared to spread WAN throughout the IntraWup. They must also give quarterly State of the WAN addresses (showing they are in touch with all of imWAN), and if they perceive that morale is low at imWAN, they must lead the charge to re-energize the "base" and get things up and running again.

Now, without further ado, with a very clear and strong victory, with 18 out of 41 votes, I give you imWAN's first President, for 2007:

Eric W. H. Taft.

May I be the first to congratulate our glorious President! Long may he...do whatever he's doing.

I think this could be another 'belle epoque' for the world at large, under Taft's kind tutelage. Congratulations, Mr President!

I am touched and honored by the support I received in this, IMWAN's first official presidential election. To have gotten the backing of such fine people is a blessing that leaves me short of words ... yet like any good president, I will try.

My dear Carrs and Lauros, Tomorrows and Secrests, Griggs, Wards, Judges, Taylors, McConnells and Proudfoots. Today is my election day! Alas, eleventy-one days is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable IMWANkers. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

I, uh, I h-have things to do.

(I've put this off for far too long.)

I regret to announce — this is The End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell.

Goodbye.

...


Oh wait, no! Heh. Wrong speech. I, errr, I seem to have misplaced my victory speech. Where the hell did it go? It was here a moment ago.

Ahhh well, such is the life of a busy president.

Thank you, and good night.

I, Jacob P Secrest, on behalf of the Jacob Secrest Fanclub would like to congratulate the duly elected President Taft.

Congratulations Mr. Taft.

You're not the president of me!

As the Pope of imWAN I firmly endorse the Presidency of Taft. May his run be full of long winded diatribes and the occasional witty remark. Congrats, Taft!

President? I didn't vote for him.

Time to send this into the imWAN archives until next year.

bump

OK, so this election was fantastic. The Judge's are done counting all certifying all the votes cast. Thanks everyone for playing along. With a Grand total (as of right now) of 92 votes!!! Compared to last years election you all really made this one even better. I think all the candidates were excellent and hopefully had fun. Beach gave Taft a pretty good run for his money, but ultimately, Taft's Superior Mass overtook Beach...

...and his platform...

...and the building...
...and the block...
...and the continent...

So without further ado, the winner for the 2008 IMWAN Presidential Elections is Eric W.H. Taft.


Tomorrow he will be posting his Acceptance Speech in this thread. Without it his Presidency will be null and void. So again, thank everyone for playing and having a great time.

Congrats, Fatty, and thanks to all who voted, especially those who voted for me.



Taft causes the tides that daily crush upon me.

You're still not the president of me!

Am I also required to post an acceptance speech? Or can I just kind of drift, like always?

Note to my fellow interested in parties-the plan for the coup continues.

Taft.


Ya Damn Right.

We tried to get you there Beach.

The Official Taft 2008 Acceptance Speech
Not to be reprinted without the express written permission of Eric W.H. Taft, or through the agreement of his legal representative, Jay Mathias, Attorney at Law. Violators will be stabbed on the neck with a pair of scissors. The round, blunt kind from elementary school.


Friends, Belarussians, Countrymen,

I would like to say that this is a great day for me, but alas, it is not. I would like to say I am surprised and honored at the support you’ve shown me, but nay, I cannot make such a claim. I have not won. This victory is not mine. The real winner in this election was not Eric W.H. Taft, nor was it Frank Sisko.

The real winner was IMWAN.

IMWAN is once again blessed with the greatness that is me. With the leadership, intelligence, thought-provoking commentary and relentless pelvic thrusting that is Taft. With the goodness that can only come with being a human honed to perfection, both of body and mind. With the inherent superiority that comes with the Taft genes.

I am great. You are lucky to have me.

Sisko is okay, too, I guess.

One might expect that as a gracious winner I would offer humble thanks to our opponents, suggesting they ran a good campaign and that the discourse they sparked was good for the IMWAN community. Yet I would be disingenuous were I to make such statements. Such statements would be a lie. My opponents were, and remain, evil. They sought to tear IMWAN apart; to rend this community limb from limb and leave it writhing and lifeless on the floor, not unlike a man caught in artillery fire, his leg a mangled stump of meat and his insides pouring out of the hole torn in his belly, crying for a mother he’ll never seen again, his eyes blinded with the pain of being shredded yet alive. They hated you. Each and every one of you, they despised and loathed and scorned.

So does Taft.

And that, my friends, is why you’ve once again elected me to be your president. Because you’re sniveling dogs begging for another lash of the master’s whip. Puppies who only know love through the tireless beating of their master. Animals wasting away in your own filth.

But Taft loves you all the same. He loves and cherishes you, and if you do not live up to his standards, well, he accepts this and moves on, for even Taft understands that few are the people capable of rising to his lofty heights. His is a greatness most of you lot cannot even begin to understand. While you wallow about in your filth, pissing and shitting yourselves, Taft laughs and shows that he is beyond such primitive concerns. He has no time to shit. He’ll shit tomorrow. Today, he is too busy doing important things. Great things. Things you’re too stupid to understand.

Taft is your president.

He is the goddamn president.

Yes.



Eric W.H. Taft, April 1, 2008

You will be first against the wall.

You had me at "nor was it Frank Sisko".

I still want a cabinet post. Or Sisko's job.

Illusion of change.

Taft (that's me) will be announcing his new appointments later today.

I think I can safely say that Mr. Twitchy, "Uncle," if you will, has earned a place of honor in the brutal regime that is to come.