Bored. Decided to do this.

*******

Dusty and musky, untouched by the hands of sentience since the age of antiquity. Although vermin had of course taken refuge here. The ancient warnings, the mythos surrounding this place, were unknown to their lot. Feces had piled in the corner accompanied by the reaking odor of piss.

A lone figure entered and moved in a slow, deliberate fashion. Fear affected his every movement. Crouched over, wearing a dark robe with tattered and frayed edges. Slowly it made its way down to the lower levels of the once great fortress and into the dungeons. Dustier even than the rooms above, the figure pulled out a smallish device, about the size of one of those cell phones from 80s. It beeped and whirled and a little laser shot out of it to a specific point near two chains which had rusted to near oblivion. He walked over, and crouching took a huge pile of dust in his hand. With his other hand he reached into his robe and pull out a small tube, flat on the bottom, filled with a glowing pink liquid. As he poured the dust into the tube lines, like circuitry, appeared on the tube as a tiny speck appeared within the liquid.

The pink ooze glowed with greater intensity as the speck grew with rapidity. Within moments it was recognizable as a fetus, then suddenly the tube shattered and the fetus fell to the ground. But, it was no longer a fetus, by the time it had landed it was an infant. Then a toddler, a child, an adolescent, then finally a young man.

Coughing and sputtering the naked man, coated in a thin layer of pink ooze, dirty, and what was likely rodent feces looked up towards the figure. "Who are you?"

The figure crouches over, to pull him up, and after he has done so looks him straight in the eyes. The young man, once known by the monicker Swiffy, was startled. He had assumed this figure was a man, or at the very least a woman, but it was actually a ... He really didn't know what the fuck it was. It was a kangaroo, but he'd never seen one of those before so he didn't know.

The kangaroo looked him square in the eyes and said, "I'll explain later, but dude, we need your help."

To be continued...

Swiffy marched through the corridors in the wake of the strange hooded beast. The air was cold. Wet and slightly sticky, he began shivering.

"I apologize," said the beast seeing Swiffy shivering, "We did not realize humans wore clothes. Our top scholars had been certain you would have fur."

"Fur?" Swiffy spoke with incredulity, how could a beast such as this delve to such insults? Then another thought struck him, "You speak as tho humanity is no more."

The beast laughed and looked towards Swiffy. Seeing the look on Swiffy's face he immediately looked ashamed of the outburst, "My humblest apologies, dude," he spoke with a slight bow, "Your legend is not that of a wise man, dude." Again the look on Swiffy's face showed again that he had said the wrong thing. "I apologize again, dude. Here take my cloak," the cloak was ill-fitting, but at least Swiffy was no longer exposed to the cold."

However, this small gesture did little to improve his mood. The man known as Swiffy was pretty fucking pissed at this point. The man had insulted his species, his intelligence, and provided no answers to his questions, "Okay, so what the hell is a 'dude'? And what happened to humanity?"

"It is a term of respect amongst our people, dude," the beast replied, again with a bow. "And we honestlty don't know, your race has been extinct for eons."

"Eons?" Swiffy looked stunned. He stopped moving. "How long has it been? Since I died?

The beast stopped as well, "Something like a million years, but don't worry about it now. Now quickly, we need to leave this building before it moves again."

"Moves?"

"Yes, the enchantment of this building, it jumps around a lot. We've waited many ages for it to return so we could revive you."

"But why? How is this wretched fortress still standing?"

A small beep came from the cloak, now worn by Swiffy. "Please, there will be time for questions later, we must run." The beast began to hop with great speed towards the exit. It was incredible. Swiffy had never seen anything close to it, it hopped 30-40 feet with every bound. Swiffy ran at full pace, but fumbling in the ill-fitting cloak he stumbled and fell. The beast turned to help him up and a loud sound rumbled through the fortress. "No," said the beast, "NO!" The air pressure t the building rapidly, both Swiffy and the beast felt their ears pop. This was accompanied with a loud sound of suction, then a pop, and outside where there had been trees and grass, there was now a snowy tundra. The air went instantly cold and snow began to pour in with an intensity that Swiffy could have scarcely imagined before this moment. The vermin scurried from the entrance to take refuge in the new warmer lower corridors, and the beast simply uttered, "Well, that could have gone better."

To be continued...

A moment passed. "So, ye beast, where the fuck are we?"

"Hrm? Well, I honestly don't know. Somewhere snowy," stating the obvious seemed the thing to do considering. "Give me the cloak."

"But it's cold, you have fur, I should get the cloak."

"FINNNNE, cry baby," the beast reached into an inner pocket and yanked out a small device, about the size of a caterpillar or a cat turd. "Hrm, bad. This is bad. Um."

"What? Where are we?" Swiffy pulled the cloak tighter around him, like Linus clinging to his blue blanket.

"It's not where, it's that we're stuck. Probably for a month at least. This thing gets wiggy about calculating longer times," the beast sighed. "Well, we better find somewhere to bunk down. Figure out what to eat. Plenty of vermin running around. We can melt the snow for water; that at least is easy enough."

"What should I do?" Swiffy asked.

"I honestly have no idea, we should probably hunker down in the dungeons, they should retain heat best. Go find a cleanish dungeon, I'll go look for beds upstairs."

"Roger," Swiffy said with a little mock salute. The beast found himself continually disappointed with the man standing before him. He had preferred the myth.

To be continued...