I've never written a script for any thing including a comic. I started this back in Mayish for a possible collaboration. I thought the idea funny then, but I've just finished The Filth TPB and well Morrison did it before I could even get a grip on the machanics of how to write for this medium. So I feel resigned to share what I had and crawl away until enough scaley material builds that I can try again. any help or suggestions are welcome.

The Origin of the Worst Lab Partner Ever

Splash page: Located visual center on a white field is a black circle with a simple white thought balloon in it. The following bold faced text wraps around the circle.

Levon’s story isn’t really very strange or haunting at all, it’s about to become very candid though.

Text in the thought balloon:

Don’t Think Ill of Me


Scene 1: Classroom, a science lab, Camera angle from the ceiling slightly above the door. The far wall is windowed while to the extreme left (back of the room) are two slop-sinks. On the right side of the room near the hall door (not in camera) are two doors with a simple black board on the wall in between them. The room otherwise is filled with six lab stations laid out symmetrically within the central space. Each table has one sink and is surrounded by six chairs.

In real time it appeared, the tumor that is, during lab class. Darcey O’dè was of course shocked as she watched all of this happen to Levon. From across the slate table covered with glassware she watched transfixed. She saw Levon, without explanation suddenly double over in an acute fit of holding himself in. First grabbing at his abdomen and then deciding to clutch his hands to his head Levon then crashed to the floor in a lurching struggle of pantomime.

As the seconds monumentally arc into several more like it, shards of glass shower the floor around Levon like so much confetti from a politicians dream. Darcey had not uttered a sound though as he ceased twitching his macabre fandango. The room simply filled itself with the sound of Darcey’s breathing harmonically entwining itself around Levon’s contrapuntal huffs.

It was really very lovely; Darcey standing above this man, the worst lab partner she had ever had. She looked at the lump of denim and flesh before her with its growing sack of amazement just behind the right ear in time to see it suddenly blink to life. Already the size of a grape fruit, it flickered at first then like a crisp new television it broadcast Levon’s thoughts for the first time. The script was like that of a child’s scrawl saying, “Damn, what just happened to me?”

When it was all over the pustule was the size of a ripe melon. Attached subcutaneously slightly above and behind his right ear, it was for all intents and purposes the physical manifestation of a comic book thought balloon. The sack was even snow white but it had the jagged stink of rusty eggs as it live streamed his thoughts to the outside world.

“Oh my god what just happened,” Darcey asked him? Levon’s sack of pus simultaneously reiterated her question in its unique font.

“I feel… drunk,” Levon answers grimly as he tries standing up; slipping on some glass.

Reaching out her left hand instinctively, Darcey steadies him. “What’s that thing on the side of your head?”

With a look of reticence, of climatic fear, Levon reaches up to touch the pustule gingerly. “Oh… oh my god what is this thing, he yells?” Meanwhile it generates a cavalcade of colors and self loathing obscenities in its strange text. The irritation of the display seems to also amp up the pus knots naturally junky stink, causing gag faces to pop up through out the gathering onlookers.

“Look at me! What did you do to me? I’m a freak! For Gods sake someone call for help? Please,” He yells at the rest of the class. “Please, Darcey help me,” He adds with a limp whine.

Then slipping in the shattered glass once more Levon passes out falling back to the floor.

Scene 2: Nurses office, a rather tight room that opens into a separate examination room that is slightly larger than the office. The office itself is a simple arrangement of Desk, stackable chairs for waiting, an end table with a potted plant and some magazines. The examination room is equally sparse without windows there’s just the raised examination bed a simple sink and a 6’ white steel cabinet with one door for storage. No pictures or posters in either room.

Sonorously dull sounds of lite FM envelop the rich tang of pine sol wrestling Greco Roman style with the accumulated dust in the dry grey nap of the office carpet. Levon is passed out, sprawling across three chairs with his head resting on his back pack while Darcey stands anxiously by waiting.

On the desk, a hand written note punctuated with a smiley face says, “Be Back Soon.”

“The perfect way to spend my day,” Darcey says to no one. “I could be in class; but no, instead I’m at the nurse’s office with this putz.”

Just then the Mauve steel door behind her opens with a click. A short, unkempt man in his mid twenties walks in saying immediately, “I’ve hurt my arm.” His amazingly neutral outfit spans the spectrum afforded to brown dinge. Its overall effect is one of hybridized caramel meeting corduroy on a mat of butcher paper.

“I’m…”

“The thing is it really hurts. Just above the elbow, right here,” He says quickly pointing at his left arm. “I was in the library, reviewing some micro fiche when all of a sudden I started getting dizzy. That’s when my arm started hurting.”

“But…”

“Of course the first thing I thought was; heart attack. But I couldn’t remember if that started on the left or right side,” He went on.

“Listen…”

“Wait, aren’t you kind of short to be a nurse,” He asks abruptly as though just seeing her for the first time.

“I’m not short and I’m also not the Nurse,” Darcey answers looking him in the eye. “My lab partner had some sort of episode in class,” she says gesturing with perturbed air quotes. “Now he has some sort of lump on the side of his head. We’re waiting for the nurse now.”

“Cool, is that your lab partner,” He asks jerking his thumb in Levon’s direction? “Can I see the lump?”

“Be my guest,” She answers rolling her eyes.

The stranger walks over to Levon. Looking down at him he opens his mouth as if to speak... Instantly, he’s transfixed with the shimmering wonder of Levon’s sack of pus. It’s as though he’s suddenly a child seeing snow for the first time. His look is an odd cocktail of wonder mixed with joy and astonishment.

That appearance of alacrity is almost forceful, making Darcey more than a little uncomfortable. “Hey,” She says, jabbing her thumb into his elbow.

“Ouch,” The stranger jumps, suddenly rubbing his elbow. “Why’d you do that? That’s my bum elbow.”

“You were looking a little weird there,” She answers.

“It’s really awesome though,” He says rubbing his arm. “Can’t you see it? It’s sharing his dreams with us right now.”

“Yeah it’s been doing that close encounters thing with text since he passed out,” She says dourly. “It’s really kinda creepy. Every now and then I look over at it and my name is on it. I know he’s passed out but when that happens, I feel like he’s undressing me.”

“No, no you just aren’t seeing it right,” He says insistently. “That’s language, that’s pure freakin’ language. He’s describing the universe the way it is. The only way anyone can ever experience it. That guy’s head or whatever that is, is describing itself to us by describing us to itself. He’s dreaming in formatted text language, the fundamental basis of civilization. ”

“What are you, a philosophy major or something,” Darcey asks annoyed? “The guy’s a chump. He’s always leering at me in class.”

Deepening her voice her voice as she goes on, “Some buddies and me are going out for beers. You wanna come, ha ha!” Then she raises her arms at the elbow in a sort of mock machismo stance.

“I don’t care about any of that,” he answers with a shrug of his shoulders. “This guy is like a golden key to the soul. That thing on the side of his head, it’s like a living, breathing,” then crinkling up his nose, “and very smelly, Dead Sea scroll.”

“He’s a dick that’s stealing my day, that’s what he is.” She says.

“Oh c’mon,” he says looking warily around the room. “Don’t you have a sense of wonder? Didn’t your folks ever buy you a comic, eh,” He asks moving suddenly towards Darcey.

“You can step off, right now,” Darcey says tugging at her bag! “I’ll mace a little skeet like you without even thinking about it. So I think it best if you just go and stand there by the door.”

“What, you’re gonna spray me here in the nurses office cat girl,” He says backing towards the door. “You wouldn’t really do that, now would you?’

“Without a second thought,” She says, moving into the corner chair nearest Levon.