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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:27 pm 
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Cockblocker to Ducks

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As a Certified Film Expert™, I have the inside scoop on what upcoming movies are going to rock the house and which are going to suck. This thread is for people to directly tap into my well of knowledge and solicit my input. So if you there is an upcoming film and you want your verdict NOW, this is the thread for you.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:39 pm 
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Bannings: Banned??? Moi???
OK, let's start with Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor, opening in July.

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:41 pm 
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Dendritic Oscillating Ontological Tesseract

Joined: 25 Oct 2007
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Eric, is the Avengers movie going to suck ... if it ever even happens?


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:48 pm 
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Cockblocker to Ducks

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Jimbo wrote:
OK, let's start with Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor, opening in July.

Ahhh, The Marriage Counselor. This movie involves Tyler Perry. You may have heard the name. He is all but a franchise himself. This movie is going to be profitable. You can make bank on that. However, based on some insider information I have which I can't share with you since you're not a Certified Film Expert™, I can say with certainty that

This movie is going to suck.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:49 pm 
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The Pope of Pop!

Joined: 19 Jul 2006
Posts: 44533
Location: Long Island, NY
Bannings: Banned??? Moi???
Eric wrote:
Jimbo wrote:
OK, let's start with Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor, opening in July.

Ahhh, The Marriage Counselor. This movie involves Tyler Perry. You may have heard the name. He is all but a franchise himself. This movie is going to be profitable. You can make bank on that. However, based on some insider information I have which I can't share with you since you're not a Certified Film Expert™, I can say with certainty that

This movie is going to suck.


Racism!

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:50 pm 
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Cockblocker to Ducks

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Ocean Doot wrote:
Eric, is the Avengers movie going to suck ... if it ever even happens?

The Avengers are a group of superheroes invented at Marvel Comics. Team members include Thor, Captain America, and Christian Slater. This movie will have a big media push and is expected to be a blockbuster. It stars Thor, Captain America, and Christian Slater. Expect BIG ACTION and ALSO DIALOGUE in this movie. It will be directed by Joss Whedon, who is best known for getting television shows cancelled. I have seen the first trailer and heard about some stuff. This movie is up in the air except for one thing:

This movie is going to suck.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:51 pm 
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Manchester City Fan

Joined: 29 Dec 2006
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What about Katherine Heigl starring as Stephanie Plum in One for the Money?


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:51 pm 
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Cockblocker to Ducks

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Jimbo wrote:
Eric wrote:
Jimbo wrote:
OK, let's start with Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor, opening in July.

Ahhh, The Marriage Counselor. This movie involves Tyler Perry. You may have heard the name. He is all but a franchise himself. This movie is going to be profitable. You can make bank on that. However, based on some insider information I have which I can't share with you since you're not a Certified Film Expert™, I can say with certainty that

This movie is going to suck.

Racism!

While it's true that Tyler Perry hates white people, early word is that this movie does not contain the anti-white sentiment present in most of his other work.

It will still, however, suck.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:53 pm 
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Dendritic Oscillating Ontological Tesseract

Joined: 25 Oct 2007
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What about "The Dark Knight Rises," starring Heath Ledger?


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:54 pm 
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TS Garp wrote:
What about Katherine Heigl starring as Stephanie Plum in One for the Money?

Katherine Heigl is going to look very hot in this movie. She has very attractive breasts and a good figure. You will definitely look at her and think, "I would like to have intercourse with that woman. So would my friends. I hope we don't have to do it at the same time." The movie is called One for the Money.

This movie is going to suck.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:56 pm 
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Ocean Doot wrote:
What about "The Dark Knight Rises," starring Heath Ledger?

Due to Heath Ledger's untimely death from a venereal disease he got from Lindsay Lohan or one of those Full House twins, he is dead. So he is not going to be in The Dark Knight Rises anymore. I have read the script and seen all the different preview footages and even the Batmobile vehicle car. The Batmobile is all wrong and Heath Ledger's makeup was all wrong in the last movie, therefore

This movie is going to suck.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:13 pm 
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I am disappointed that there are not going to be any more Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings movies. What's up with that?

I have heard that a PREQUEL for Lord of the Rings called The Hobbit is coming out soon. I don't know why they concentrated on Hobbits when Elfs are way more sexy and stuff, but there you have it. So, what will the Lord of the Rings prequel The Hobbit be like?

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:15 pm 
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Champion of Everything

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I am highly anticipating The Hobbit, will this movie will continue the awesomeness of Lord of the Rings?


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:16 pm 
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Champion of Everything

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Damn you coworker for popping into my office and making me wait to hit send, and therefore make me look unoriginal.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:35 pm 
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Tuna wrote:
I am disappointed that there are not going to be any more Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings movies. What's up with that?

I have heard that a PREQUEL for Lord of the Rings called The Hobbit is coming out soon. I don't know why they concentrated on Hobbits when Elfs are way more sexy and stuff, but there you have it. So, what will the Lord of the Rings prequel The Hobbit be like?

Mahoney wrote:
I am highly anticipating The Hobbit, will this movie will continue the awesomeness of Lord of the Rings?

This is going to be one of the five greatest movies of all time, the other four being The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and The Hobbit part 2 (due in 2013).


Last edited by Eric on Wed Jan 11, 2012 3:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:43 pm 
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Hey, brother

Joined: 13 May 2011
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Location: the high 5 that Canada left hanging
Is Rock of Ages going to be as amazing as it looks?

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:44 pm 
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HanLolol wrote:
Is Rock of Ages going to be as amazing as it looks?

Yes, based on all the information I've gathered, as well as input from several insiders who have seen early cuts of the movie, it is going to be exactly as amazing as it looks. All of which is to say

This movie is going to suck.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:46 pm 
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Bigger and Better!

Joined: 01 Jan 2007
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It's threads like this that keep Martin Scorsese from joining Imwan.


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:48 pm 
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Hey, brother

Joined: 13 May 2011
Posts: 9237
Location: the high 5 that Canada left hanging
Eric wrote:
HanLolol wrote:
Is Rock of Ages going to be as amazing as it looks?

Yes, based on all the information I've gathered, as well as input from several insiders who have seen early cuts of the movie, it is going to be exactly as amazing as it looks. All of which is to say

This movie is going to suck.


I no longer trust your judgment.

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:50 pm 
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What about Tim Burton's upcoming remake of Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp?

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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:54 pm 
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Dear Eric,

Even though Sherlock Holmes 2 is already out, I have not seen it.

When I rent it on DVD in a few years, will it suck?


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 Post subject: Ask me about upcoming movies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:00 pm 
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Bubbles wrote:
What about Tim Burton's upcoming remake of Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp?

Johnny Depp is the talented star of many films such as 21 Jump Street and There is Something About That Mary Girl. He is married to Kate Moss and they have three children. Tim Burton is married to the lady from Harry Potter, Neil Gaiman, and they do not have any children.

This movie is going to suck.


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