Okay, if Ross can do covers for issues that don't exist, I guess the rest of us can do reviews on them. To kick it off, I'd like to review issue #80, featuring the Thing and Batgirl. Forgive me if my choice sounds like a bit of a Lieutenant Mary Sue story.

Marvel Two-In-One, lost issue #80 "Death Race"

Synopsis:

While attempting to relax in New York’s Bryant Park, Ben notices a large group of middle-aged and older women congregating around the nearby NY PL. He learns that they are all librarians, in town for a national library convention. This upsets Ben, as he has had a fear of librarians ever since he was a boy and failed to return a copy of Jane's All the World's Aircraft (it was stolen from himi by members of the Yancey Street Gang). Barbara Gordon, attending the convention in her civilian guise, notices Ben and feels pleased at seeing one of New York's famous superheroes.

Later that day, a famous author who is speaking at the convention is kidnapped by a team of masked hoods led by the Masked Marauder. Barbara examines the scene of the crime and finds clues indicating that the bad guys have a hideout in the huge Fresh Kills landfill on Staten Island.

Realizing that she cannot handle the case alone, Barbara decides to get help from the Fantastic Four. That night she scales the Baxter Building and breaks into it. She evades the building’s security systems, but attracts the Thing’s attention. Fortunately she is able to defuse the situation before too much damage is done….

The rest of the team are away, but Barbara convinces Ben to go with her to Fresh Kills. Ben takes an FF sky cycle; Batgirl borrows Johnny (Human Torch) Storm’s sportbike, which is oh-so-conveniently happens to be a model similar to the one she customized into her Bat-cycle.

At Fresh Kills they find the Masked Marauder’s hideout and battle several henchmen. The Marauder and the kidnapped author are gone. Ben intimidates a henchman into revealing that the author was someone against whom the Masked Marauder had a personal vendetta. He did not tell the henchmen where he was going, but did leave a cryptic comment as to where it could be. Batgirl figures out that they were headed to the Verazzano Narrows Bridge. She and Ben race to the scene and arrive just as the Masked Marauder is about to throw his victim from the bridge. Batgirl rescues the victim and defeats a couple of henchmen; Ben beats up the well-armed Marauder.

The next day, Ben, in Times Square, sees a group of touring librarians and tries to head the other way. Barbara, in the group, thanks him for an interesting evening and disappears into the crowd before he can tell who she is.

Review:

A fun issue, obviously not in continuity. Highlights include Ben’s revelation that he still fears librarians, Barbara’s observation that New York reminds her a lot of home, her break-in at the Baxter Building (you’ve just got to see how she disables Reed’s automated security systems!), and of course the climactic brawl.

Oh, this idea I love!

Daphne = genius. This will be fun.

Excellent idea, Daphne.

I remember when this one came out. I was having a minor surgery, and my dad let me pick out some comics to take to the hospital. I was a Marvel kid, but I liked the Batman TV show. When I picked it out, my dad kind of wrinkled his nose and said "Batgirl?" Like I was buying a girl comic book or something. But I told him the Thing was awesome and that's why I wanted it. I think he might have been worried I was a gay.

This is awesome, Daphne, it really made my day! I especially was impressed with your knowledge of NYC geography. I also love that our two heroes have a mini battle before they team up, as is appropriate upon a first time meeting.

I would always pick up the Batgirl comics.
I didn't care if Jay's dad thought I was gay.

Glad this helped you bring back a childhood memory, Jay. That's part of what IMWAN is about!

I thought this would be a good way to honor your work, Ross. As for the NYC stuff, it was a combination of photographic memory and spur-of-the-moment research. I am in the business, after all!

#66, The Thing and Sergeant Rock

Synopsis:

After flying Reed to a science conference in Paris, Ben goes sightseeing in Normandy. While there Ben encounters a bomb disposal squad excavating leftover World War II explosives from a deep bunker. When the squad’s bulldozer becomes bogged down, Ben tries to help them out. The explosives go off and knock Ben unconscious.

When he awakens he is lying in the pit—and surrounded by Sergeant Rock and Easy Company! They open fire on Ben, who protests that he is a fellow American and flees from them without doing the soldiers any harm. Later a soldier from Easy named Kishlansky happens upon Ben’s hiding place near a Norman farm. Kishlansky, a native of Brooklyn, tells Ben that he knows from the way Ben talks that he can’t possibly be anything but a fellow New Yorker. Ben says that he has somehow gone back in time. Kishlansky comments that this sounds like something from a pulp magazine story.

A local German counterattack against Easy Company seriously wounds Kishlansky. Ben joins in the fight against the Germans. While Ben is occupied elsewhere, a German Tiger tank attacks Easy’s position. Rock and Bulldozer stand their ground and shoot at it with a bazooka, but the bazooka’s rockets are ineffective against the tank’s heavy armor. Then Ben attacks the tank. A shot from the tank knocks Ben off his feet. Observing that now he knows how the Hulk feels, Ben rocks the tank over on its side and tears open the less well-armored underneath. As the tank’s crew flees, the tank explodes.

Ben awakens in a hospital in the modern day. He is told that he was taken there after the leftover explosives knocked him unconscious. He does not seem to have been seriously injured. Later Ben is at a large cemetery for Americans who died in Normandy. He wonders whether it was really all a dream, or whether he was actually sent back in time. He thinks about Kishlansky and wonders where perhaps he is buried there.

A group of elderly American servicemen comes through. One of them says he has seen Ben somewhere. It is Kishlansky, who survived the war and has returned to Normandy to see the old battlefield. Kishlansky says that he recognized Ben when the Fantastic Four’s adventures first became public. He made sure never to tell anyone about his meeting with the time-traveling Ben, “So I wouldn’t take a chance on messin’ up history or anythin’.” He thanks Ben for having saved his life all those years ago. Ben says that he owes his thanks to Kishlansky and all of his fellow soldiers who fought in World War II.

Comments:

To anyone familiar with time-travel stories this one will seem rather contrived and obvious. It’s really not a bad story, though, and it ends nicely. Fans of Sergeant Rock may be disappointed that the focus is largely on the one-shot character Kishlansky, with relatively little attention given to Rock and the better-known members of Easy.The writer also tries just a little too hard for a Bob Kanigher feel with a scene that is narrated by Rock and Bulldozer's bazooka.

That's a brilliant piece of work, Daphne... I must say you a quite hard on the writer in your comments section!

I call 'em like I see 'em!

#73 The Thing and Tintin

Synopsis:

Ben is flying over Tibet aboard an ordinary passenger aircraft (Why? And how did he book a seat that he can fit into? Never mind….). He meets a Chinese youth named Chang who thinks sitting next to Ben Grimm is awesome. Suddenly the pilot (it’s a small plane, so there’s apparently only one) has a heart attack. Ben seizes the controls and turns a certain crash into a hard forced landing. Everybody is alive—but the plane is stuck in a high mountain valley. The pilot is in bad shape, and Chang has been injured in the crash. Everybody is suffering from altitude sickness.

Ben’s superhuman physique means that he can continue to function, though well below his peak strength, in the thin air. He climbs the nearest peak and sees that there is no sign of human habitation for many miles. A mysterious figure watches him from a nearby hiding place….

Meanwhile Tintin and Captain Haddock, who are in Nepal, learn that their friend Chang’s plane has crashed. They immediately fly to Tibet to go looking for him.

Back at the crash site it is night. Everybody is huddled together for warmth. Chang and the pilot’s conditions are an increasing source of worry. Suddenly huge, hairy giants invade the camp. The yetis have attacked! With great effort (he’s still short of breath) Ben drives them off. Then he realizes that the monsters have taken Chang and the pilot.

Tintin and Captain Haddock (and Snowy, of course) hike through the mountains. They arrive at a monastery where a monk’s spontaneous levitation indicates that trouble has recently occurred in the region. They decide that the plane crash site must be fairly nearby.

With daylight Ben goes looking for the yetis. But snow has covered their tracks. He hikes for hours in the snow, and is forced to spend the night in a crevice in the rocks in the bitter cold.

The next morning he encounters Tintin and Haddock’s party. Their porters flee in terror when they see Ben. Ben manages to make friends with Tintin and Haddock. Now that the weather has improved, he is able to lead them back to the crashed plane. There they find that the passengers have spotted the yetis again. Ben and company go off in the direction where the yetis were seen.

They discover a cave. Ben fights another yeti and has him pinned down, when Tintin cries out for Ben to stop fighting. It turns out that the yetis have taken Chang and the pilot to a cave where they could be kept warm and cared for. Somehow the kindhearted yetis knew that these two were the weakest people from the crashed aircraft and needed help.

Later we see everybody back at the monastery, getting ready to go home. Chang and the pilot are doing better. Tintin comments that he has learned a lesson about how seemingly monstrous beings can actually be good guys. Ben says that he wishes more people realized that.

Comments:

This is basically an abbreviated reworking of Herge’s “Tintin in Tibet”, with Ben shoehorned in. The story really moves too fast, and the fit between art styles is not exactly comfortable. Still, all the characters are recognizably themselves. There’s a good bit of humor and slapstick—most of it at Captain Haddock’s expense, of course. If you like Tintin and you like the Thing, how can you NOT like this?

I like how you manage to work Ban's piloting skills in here, and how you always make sure to incorporate the cover scene. This makes me want to dig out Tintin in Tibet.

#19, The Thing and the Phantom Stranger

Synopsis:

It’s a rainy night over NYC. We see the Phantom Stranger on the splash page overlooking the Baxter Building and saying something cryptic about the evil that walks this night. In the Baxter Building Ben is babysitting little Franklin. He tucks Franklin in for the night and sits down to watch “Space: 1999” on TV. Unbeknownst to Ben, a shadowy hooded figure materializes in the FF’s living quarters. It approaches the sleeping Franklin and snips a lock of his hair. Then it vanishes.

In a large, gloomy-looking mansion in Long Island, we see the shadowy figure from the Baxter Building materializing in a room full of occultish-looking symbols and regalia where oddly-robed figures are performing some kind of ceremony. The infiltrator is one of the group. He gives the hair from Franklin to the master of ceremonies. The leader’s name is Addison Mystere. He intends to use his magic to blackmail the Fantastic Four into doing his bidding by seizing Franklin. He and his disciples create a magical replica of Franklin and teleport it into the Baxter Building, simultaneously bringing the real Franklin to them.

The Phantom Stranger appears before Ben and gives him a cryptic warning about evil forces at work and things not being as they seem. Ben then hears Franklin crying. When he goes to see what is up, the changeling transforms into a demonic form and attacks Ben. The fight wrecks much of the living quarters. As things are looking bad for Ben—who is holding back because he fears harming Franklin--the Phantom Stranger helps him to find a weakness in the changeling. Ben defeats it and watches it disintegrate.

The Phantom Stranger tells Ben where to look for the real Franklin. Ben flies off to Long Island and finds the address of Mystere’s mansion. He hesitates outside, wondering whether he is really at the right place. The Phantom Stranger enables Ben to see a cutaway view of the mansion that shows Franklin inside. Ben charges in.

Mystere and company attempt to fight Ben by creating a new Franklin changeling, one that is even more powerful because it is closer to them. Ben, no longer afraid of hurting Franklin, goes all out and destroys the monster and most of the mansion. The fleeing Mystere and his disciples are confronted by the Phantom Stranger, who causes them to see terrifying visions of demons as a warning of what they will get into if they keep dabbling in black magic. They stop running and allow themselves to be taken prisoner.

Back at the Baxter Building Franklin, who has slept through everything due to a sleeping spell, awakens and tells Ben that he has had a nightmare. Ben reassures him that all is well. Franklin says that he knows that his mother and father and Uncle Johnny and Uncle Ben will always take care of him. Ben tells him he’s got that right.

Comments:

“Addison Mystere”? Really? In their generic wizard cult getup he and his crew look and talk exactly like you’d expect them to. His mansion has the patented old dark house look. Despite the hackneyed and forgettable villains and setting, there are some properly creepy moments. And of course the Phantom Stranger himself is as creepy and enigmatic as always. I loved the moment where, when the Phantom Stranger is making some of his typically cryptic pronouncements, Ben accuses him of sounding like he has been hanging around Dr. Strange.

I love that Ben is watching Space 1999, it gives me an idea of when this issue must have been printed! As always, great stuff - you have a gift for imagination.

Thanks, Ross. The "Space: 1999" bit isn't something I made up, BTW. When I was growing up I recall seeing a comic book with the Thing in it where he said something about wanting to go home and watch that show. I don't remember anything about what issue that may have been, but I know that the show was on the air at that time so I caught the reference. So Ben's watching the show is in-continuity!