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Hugh
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:05 am |
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Niatpac Levram!!!!!!
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Joined: | 30 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 26181 |
Bannings: | Banned? Moi? |
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Hey! I would like some input from my fellow IMWANkers. Here's the scoop. A Japanese shop I do business with is celebrating their 1st year anniversary, and they are having a contest to design a mascot. The winner gets 500 bucks, and their character gets adopted as their shop mascot. Runner up prizes are 100, 50 and 30 bucks store credit. Now, I know the chance of me winning is almost non existent, but I wanted to work up something anyway, just to get my creative muscles flowing again. I haven't drawn in this style since probably the mid 80's, when I was really an animehead, and I havent even drawn much of anything in any style in a couple or three years, so I'm fighting against two obstacles. But I took my time, stretched my muscles, and came up with something I'm happy with. Before I continue (you can turn in 1 main pic, and up to 4 smaller sketches), and ultimately send it in, I was hoping to get some feedback. What do you guys think? Are the proportions OK? (anime/manga wise. I'm not trying for photorealistic) Are the colors good? (They are the shop's colors, used on their site and letterhead, so I can't really change too much except how they are used. Any tips, or things I should change? The usual stuff. Anyway here it is: (Clickee to embiggen)  Here's what I was going for. A LOT of shops have mascots that are the Cute Schoolgirl type, or the "cat-girl/furry" type. Some have a giant robot or some such, and I wanted to try something just a bit different. She's an android girl. Cute, without being the over the top, huge sparkly eyed, Diabetes inducing type of character you see a lot of. A little bit of cute, mixed in with the sci-fi/fantasy element I see her more as a hostess. A representative of the shop. The uniform is a mix of a stewardess and a police woman's outfit, I didn't want to go with something too militaristic. She would be like someone who would greet you at the door as you enter, and help you find what you are looking for. The shop offers really good service, and I thought that it should be emphasized. Anyway, have at it. Be honest. If something really doesn't work let me know.I can take criticism as well as praise. (though it will most likely throw me into a shame spiral, where I will spend the next 3 weeks in my closet with the door taped closed from the inside, as I sob uncontrolably in the darkness.) 
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Steve
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:13 am |
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What do you call a camel with three humps?
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Joined: | 21 Oct 2004 |
Posts: | 58174 |
Location: | Indiana |
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Something about the mouth and the folds of the blouse/skirt seems off. Compare to what a typical anime mouth looks like:  As far as clothing folds, I hear studying curtains helps. Good luck!
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Junkie Luv
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:15 am |
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As dull and repetitive as they are
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Joined: | 17 Apr 2005 |
Posts: | 30341 |
Location: | PhilWANdelphia |
Bannings: | IMWAN Get Out Of Banning Free Lifetime Golden Pass |
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She's cute, Hugh. Really the only thing that stands out for me not working it the shape of the tie/scarf around her neck. I think the bow part should be defined a little better, like more bow-like, and make it a little smaller or just position is so it's not in front of her chin.
Otherwise, she looks great!
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Brotoro
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:55 am |
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Friendly, Furry, Ellipsoidal
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Joined: | 12 Apr 2008 |
Posts: | 62281 |
Location: | Brotoro's Magic Forest |
Bannings: | Bannings? We don't need no stinkin' bannings! |
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The nose does not look like an anime nose. And the way the lower lip dips down looks odd to me. Also, the hand holding the sign does not look like it could properly hold the sign (too narrow, especially at the bottom). I have tweaked these places in the picture below. I don't mind the little bow thing that seems to bother Junkie Luv. 
_________________ Because life is a treasure. —Dave Powell
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Sgt. Jack Hyper
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:59 am |
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Chhaaaaaarrrrrrrge!
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Joined: | 28 Dec 2006 |
Posts: | 5615 |
Location: | Fort 'Wan |
Bannings: | Unbanable |
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okay, hugh, here's my critique...  your drawing is pretty good, you just have to remember a few things... 1) think fun and sexy. you can see that i start with a typical s curve (in blue) to come up with a pose that's a little more dynamic than what you have. 2) think shapes. this is what animation design around the world is about....especially in Japan. look at your design and see what shape you can push. you can see that i made he skirt shorter, and it bells out....really accentuating her pelvic area. giving a distinct separation from her torso and her legs. i did the same with her vest, look how i pushed the size of her hair as well as plused the size of her cuffs and those earphones. 3) keep your center line. make sure everything lines up on your center line (in yellow). 4) kick elements off each other. another animation/illustration concept. picture a horizontal axis that runs through her head( where her eyes line up), through her shoulders, her waist,and her knees. see how i've kicked the angles off of each other. this makes for a more dynamic, interesting pose. 5) keep a clear silhouette yes, another animation concept. try not to have design elements run into each other causing a muddy mess. your bow tie thing is fine, as well as her arm holding her sign....but they could be better....more interesting. you can see what i've done with her arm, now look at her tie thing. i gave her a collar and tucked the kerchief inside...more stewardess like...and see how i placed it? so nothing runs into each other. try something like that. and yes, i did add the antenna because it was just more interesting. you don't have to do that, but try something else out. it's anime...so you can be fun and nonsensical .
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Tommy Tomorrow
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 6:58 am |
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Emperor of Earth 65
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Joined: | 13 Jun 2006 |
Posts: | 12020 |
Location: | The Politically Correct Democratic Peoples' Republic of New Jersey |
Bannings: | 2 merit badges from a/c street |
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Yeah, I'd do 'er. Oh, you didn't mean THAT kind of critique?
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Hugh
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 5:32 pm |
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Niatpac Levram!!!!!!
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Joined: | 30 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 26181 |
Bannings: | Banned? Moi? |
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OK, Thanks for the input! I really appreciate it. I made some adjustments accordingly. 1- Fixed the kerchief and scarf as per Junkie's suggestion. I like this much better. I rechecked my reference and it is closer to that design than my original was. I didn't change it too much more than that, as, except for the pattern, it's almost exactly like the reference. (And the Mrs really likes it and said don't mess with it.) 2- Fixed the nose and mouth, and hand per Brotoro's suggestion. I had changed the sign design in PS, and neglected to fix the hand accordingly. Again I like this version better. 3- Did some tweaking according to Sgt Jack. Changed the vest, and torso area, redid the skirt. Re-aligned the body a bit. I did a version with the vest like the sketch you did, more open, with more chest exposed, and it looked good, but I think it was just a bit more than what I was going for. Maybe just a bit too sexy. I have an idea though, and will utilize it when I do the companion pieces. I like the antennas, and had originally planned on something like that, but couldn't really put down what I was visualizing. Another thing. The torso. The buttons and collar are actually part of her. It's not a blouse she's wearing. I just wanted to suggest that in the way it looked. I want to add something tho make it clearer that it's part of her body. Maybe a joint, or a vent, or another seam or something. Still thinking on that one. I also did a few bits here and there to fix a few things I wasn't happy with.  So, that's where I'm at so far. I'll probably work on recoloring it today and tomorrow. If you guys have any more suggestions or can see anything that needs fixing, please feel free. Thanks!
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Li'l Jay
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2010 5:53 pm |
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It scorched
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Joined: | 28 May 2006 |
Posts: | 68685 |
Bannings: | One too few . . . |
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Looks good to me, with the improvements especially.
_________________ Rom's kiss turned Rogue a hero.
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Sgt. Jack Hyper
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:14 pm |
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Chhaaaaaarrrrrrrge!
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Joined: | 28 Dec 2006 |
Posts: | 5615 |
Location: | Fort 'Wan |
Bannings: | Unbanable |
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looks like it's coming together for you , Hugh......nice work.
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Stephen Strange
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:20 pm |
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I am an earthling.
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Joined: | 29 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 8605 |
Location: | the town that rocked the nation |
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Hugh, it's looking really good.
Just a thought, for coloring -- maybe she'll read more immediately as 'bot-girl (rather than armored girl) if you change her skin tone to something more artificial?
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Hugh
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:32 am |
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Niatpac Levram!!!!!!
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Joined: | 30 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 26181 |
Bannings: | Banned? Moi? |
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I think I'm happy with this. Definitely looks much better. Thanks for all the advice.  Now to do a few more!
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Hanzo the Razor
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 9:38 am |
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Ancient Alien Theorist
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Joined: | 24 Jun 2007 |
Posts: | 105334 |
Location: | The Fourth World |
Bannings: | 2001 |
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I'm very likely dense and retarded but I'm not seeing a difference between the old and the new.
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Hanzo the Razor
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 9:41 am |
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Ancient Alien Theorist
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Joined: | 24 Jun 2007 |
Posts: | 105334 |
Location: | The Fourth World |
Bannings: | 2001 |
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My biggest piece of advice would be for you alter your line weight more. This will create depth and give the figure some weight.
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Hanzo the Razor
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:11 am |
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Ancient Alien Theorist
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Joined: | 24 Jun 2007 |
Posts: | 105334 |
Location: | The Fourth World |
Bannings: | 2001 |
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Please forgive the sloppiness, I'm at work and don't want to get caught drawing anime... but here's a very basic idea of what I'm talking about regarding lineweight -- 
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Dr. Brian Fever
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:35 pm |
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Go ahead..I dare ya!
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Joined: | 10 Aug 2004 |
Posts: | 31568 |
Location: | Stately Fever Manor, Newport News, VA, USA!! |
Bannings: | He hung me on a hook once. ONCE! |
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Your old stuff was better.
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Hugh
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:07 pm |
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Niatpac Levram!!!!!!
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Joined: | 30 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 26181 |
Bannings: | Banned? Moi? |
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Well, Here's the final results. I'll probably be doing some minor tweaking in the next day or so, and then sending them in. This was fun. And a little nerve wracking. Like I said, I haven't drawn in this style with any seriousness in a LOOOOOONG time. If I win, Really Cool!, but if not, it was fun. I may have to try something like it again. As usual, any suggestions are welcome.    
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Hugh
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:02 am |
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Niatpac Levram!!!!!!
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Joined: | 30 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 26181 |
Bannings: | Banned? Moi? |
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Wow..Nobody eh? They really are that bad.
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Brotoro
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:05 am |
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Friendly, Furry, Ellipsoidal
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Joined: | 12 Apr 2008 |
Posts: | 62281 |
Location: | Brotoro's Magic Forest |
Bannings: | Bannings? We don't need no stinkin' bannings! |
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Yes, they are terrible.
No...not terrible. What is that other word? Gret? No.. Great! Yeah, that's they one. They are great.
You just distracted me into thoughts about the physics of flying with some sort of reaction thrusters mounted on one's legs.
_________________ Because life is a treasure. —Dave Powell
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Judge WAN
IMWAN Mod |
Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:49 am |
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He Keeps WAN with his BANgiver
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Joined: | 01 Aug 2005 |
Posts: | 31394 |
Location: | Mega City WAN |
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I'll echo what Hanzo said. Line weights, especially to convey direction of lighting, is really useful in adding depth.
I like them, Hugh. They are fun and well done.
_________________ Aren't you glad you talked about this? Here, on IMWAN?
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Hugh
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:51 pm |
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Niatpac Levram!!!!!!
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Joined: | 30 Jul 2005 |
Posts: | 26181 |
Bannings: | Banned? Moi? |
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One last one. I tried the thicker line on this one, and I like it. What do you guys think? 
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Brotoro
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 1:27 am |
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Friendly, Furry, Ellipsoidal
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Joined: | 12 Apr 2008 |
Posts: | 62281 |
Location: | Brotoro's Magic Forest |
Bannings: | Bannings? We don't need no stinkin' bannings! |
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Since she's not against the same colored background, it's hard to tell if it makes a difference. But I was fine with the previous line weight.
_________________ Because life is a treasure. —Dave Powell
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Pope Krysak
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Post subject: Critique me, please! Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:27 pm |
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Pontifex of the Ridiculous
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Joined: | 11 Dec 2006 |
Posts: | 27856 |
Location: | In the IMWANican |
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Hugh wrote: Hey! I would like some input from my fellow IMWANkers.
Here's the scoop. A Japanese shop I do business with is celebrating their 1st year anniversary, and they are having a contest to design a mascot. The winner gets 500 bucks, and their character gets adopted as their shop mascot. Runner up prizes are 100, 50 and 30 bucks store credit. So how'd this all work out? What was the winner?
_________________ I put the "mental" in "sacramental."
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