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Alexander
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Post subject: A patch of grass - aimed at younger readers.  Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 7:36 am |
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Everything I know is from Wikipedia.
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| Joined: | 06 Feb 2009 |
| Posts: | 485 |
| Location: | Tennessee |
| Bannings: | Spawn.com |
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<deleted for posterity>
_________________
We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory... ... will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.
Last edited by Alexander on Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Francine
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Post subject: A patch of grass - aimed at younger readers. Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:18 am |
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Mimicker
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| Joined: | 10 Dec 2007 |
| Posts: | 13600 |
| Location: | The Cosmic BusyBee Palace |
| Bannings: | Banned By Jeff..5 x and counting... |
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That's a wonderful story, JA. I liked it very much. Great characters and very well told. Love conquers all.  Thanks for sharing. 
_________________
♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ A Cosmic Speck O' Dynamite Blast From The Dust Within The Galaxy Known As Alanis Morissette's Poetically Inspired Heart! ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
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That meddlin kid
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Post subject: A patch of grass - aimed at younger readers. Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:37 pm |
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Biker Librarian
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| Joined: | 26 Mar 2007 |
| Posts: | 25161 |
| Location: | On the highway, looking for adventure |
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Nice. It creates the mood that it seems you are aiming for. Any piece that can evoke a mood is on the right track.
Watch the passive voice. It is so easy to use passive voice too often. There, I did it just now!
_________________
The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls who, when he found an especially costly one, sold everything he had to buy it.
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Alexander
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Post subject: A patch of grass - aimed at younger readers. Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:57 pm |
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Everything I know is from Wikipedia.
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| Joined: | 06 Feb 2009 |
| Posts: | 485 |
| Location: | Tennessee |
| Bannings: | Spawn.com |
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Thanks. I always have problems with passive voice. I'll have to go for a third revision to reduce it and see how it reads.
_________________
We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory... ... will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.
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