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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:31 pm 
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I think Westerns, I think movies, so I decided to make my entry a screenplay. As always, this is a first draft that I may actually get around to tightening up eventually. And as always, all praise/advice/criticism is welcome. And the formatting doesn't hold true once cut and pasted here, and I didn't want to manually re-format it.



REDEMPTION

An original screenplay by Chris Campagna
© Copyright 2008


FADE IN:

EXT.- THE ARIZONA DESERT – DAY

TIGHT SHOT - A lone stagecoach makes its way along a dusty path. We see the DRIVER and his gunman, a young KID in his late teens, early twenties riding beside him, but can’t see the passengers inside as the curtains are drawn. The gunman is looking around nervously, shifting in his seat.

DRIVER (AMUSED)
First time ridin’ on one of these runs?

KID (FIDGETING)
What makes you say that?

DRIVER‘Cause you look like you just took a shit in yer pants and fell back in it.

KID
Yeah, well I been hearin’ things about this run. I hear there’s outlaws in these hills. I hear they robbed two stages last week and killed the drivers!

DRIVER (SMILING)
Y’don’t say? And who told you that?

KID (SHEEPISHLY)
Roy Hubbard.

DRIVER (ANNOYED)
That old codger? He’ll tell you anything you feed ‘im enough whiskey kid. Just ‘cause drunk ol’ Roy say’s it, don’t make it so. Relax, I done this run six times now, an’ I ain’t seen one bandit yet.

KID
Awright, I’m just nervous is all. Can’t a man be nervous?

DRIVER
Sure kid, sure. Just don’t do nuthin’ stupid and blow your own kneecap off with that shotgun….

CLOSEUP - On the kid’s eyes shifting back and forth. The camera pulls back and up, until we are looking over the shoulder of a man on horseback, his face obscured by the shadow from his hat. We pull back further still to reveal:

FOUR MEN ON HORSEBACK
They are the outlaws the kid was so worried about. The man up front, obviously the leader, adjusts his hat and looks back over his shoulder at his men. We get our first look at ELIAS HORNESBY he is both handsome and dangerous looking, his eyes are hard slits.

HORNESBY
Let’s take it boys. But be careful and be quick.

WIDE SHOT - Of the four horsemen riding towards the stage guns drawn.

CLOSEUP - On the kid as he sees the riders approaching.

KID (SCARED)
Holy shit! We got trouble!

Brings shotgun up to his shoulder. Fires both barrels and starts to reload.

DRIVER (SHOUTING)
How many?

Driving the horses faster, a look of hard determination on his face.

KID (RAISING SHOTGUN)
Four! They’re gainin’!

DRIVER (AGITATED)
I’m drivin’ ‘em as fast as I can!

A curtain on the stage door opens and a man in his early fifties, balding and bespectacled leans out.

BALDING MAN
What the hell’s going on here?

DRIVER
It’s a hold-up! Now get back inside before you get yer damned fool head blown off!

The BALDING MAN quickly ducks back inside, a grim look of fear on his face. The kid fires off a couple of more shots and reloads again as we switch perspectives to:

HORNESBY – He is riding out front and gaining on the stage. He raises his six-gun and fires off a single shot clipping the kid high in the shoulder. The kid loses the shotgun and falls back across the driver.

DRIVER
Kid! Damnit! Whoa girls…Whoa now!

Pulling back hard on the reigns, the driver brings the stage to a stop.

BALDING MAN (LEANING OUT WINDOW)
What are you doing? You’re stopping? Are you insane?

DRIVER (ANGRY)
Not crazy enough to get killed for you mister! Kid, you ok?

KID (IN PAIN)
Yeah, yeah I’m awright. You should’nt’ve stopped John.

DRIVER
I ain’t dyin’ today kid, now shut up before you get us all killed!

HORNESBY and his men ride up to the stage and dismount, aiming their guns at the driver. HORNESBY saunters up to the stage door.

HORNESBY
OK, come out slow, hands in front of you.


The door opens, and the BALDING MAN steps out.

BALDING MAN (ARROGANTLY)
You’re a very foolish man sir. I am in the employ of the First Federal Bank of New York, and they will not take kindly to your impudent behavior here today.

HORNESBY (SMILING)
I’m quakin’ in my boots. Step aside.

BALDING MAN (SWALLOWING HARD)
I’m afraid I can’t do that.

HORNESBY
Alright then, have it your way.

He pulls his gun and shoots the BALDING MAN between the eyes.

HORNESBY (TO DRIVER AND KID)
I hope you two are smarter than this fella was.

DRIVER
We ain’t no heroes mister.

HORNESBY
I didn’t think so. Throw me the bag.

The KID reaches behind the seat and grimacing with pain, throws a leather satchel to HORNESBY, who catches it and hands it off to one of his men. HORNESBY kneels over the body of his victim and checks his pockets. He pulls out a billfold, leafs through the cash and pockets it. He is about to toss it away when a photograph inside catches his eye. He takes it out and his eyes widen. Looking around, he puts the photo in his jacket pocket and stands. He mounts his horse and:

KID
Listen mister, you don’t gotta worry ‘bout us.
I mean we ain’t gonna’ tell the law or nuthin’.

HORNESBY
Son….

Pulls back the lapel of his jacket, revealing a badge.

HORNESBY (CONT)
I am the law.

He pulls his gun and shoots them both. As the four horsemen ride off, HORNESBY takes the picture from his jacket. We pull in for:

CLOSEUP – Of the photo of a beautiful woman, refined and cultured. We pull in even closer on the face in the photo and:

FADE OUT:
Screen credits roll


FADE IN:

EXT. - ARIZONA BOOMTOWN - DAY – SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

WIDE SHOT – Here we are introduced to REDEMPTION, the town in which our story will unfold. It is a dusty place, strewn with tumbleweeds, once a booming town in the days of the silver rush, but now a little past it’s prime. People are milling about in the street going on about their business. We see a saloon, a hotel/brothel, a feed and grain, and a bank. Walking up the steps to the bank we see a man. He is tall and lanky, dressed in plain clothes and a weathered old hat. He is handsome in a rugged way, and his features belie a sense of honesty and forthrightness. This is QUINN MILLER. He has come into town on business today and the bank is his first stop.

INT – BANK – DAY

QUINN steps inside. There is a man on line ahead of him arguing with the teller. Over in the back corner of the room is a desk, and sitting behind it is the most beautiful woman QUINN has ever seen. He doesn’t realize it, but he’s staring at her now. We see that this is the woman in HORNESBY’S photograph. Her name is MAGGIE MACDONALD, and she is the manager. She looks up from her paperwork and sees QUINN staring at her. She is at once taken with his good looks and honest face, but she plays it cool.

MAGGIE
Can I help you, Mr. ….. ?

QUINN (CAUGHT OFF GUARD)
Um…Oh, uh, Miller. Quinn Miller.

MAGGIE
I’m Margaret Macdonald the new manager of this branch.
What can I do for you Mr. Miller?

QUINN (GETTING AHOLD OF HIMSELF)
Actually, I’m here to make a mortgage payment.

The gentleman arguing with the teller gathers his papers and exits the bank

MAGGIE
Well, I see the teller’s window is open now.

QUINN
Oh, I see. Thank you Mrs. MacDonald.

MAGGIE (BLUSHING SLIGHTLY)
It’s Miss, and you can call me Maggie.

QUINN
Maggie it is then, and please, call me Quinn.

QUINN finishes up his business with the teller and exits the bank. MAGGIE lifts her head from her paperwork to watch him leave as the teller looks up and catches her looking.

TELLER
He owns a cattle ranch about six miles south of here, he’s a widower, wife died of the fever about four years ago, left him with two kids. What I hear, he used to be quite the outlaw around these parts. Folks used to call him “Cactus Quinn Miller”. Supposedly he was the deadliest gun in the west for a time.

MAGGIE (EYES WIDE)
Really? He doesn’t strike me as a killer.

TELLER
That’s just it Miss. Apparently he gave it all up. Some say for his woman, others say differently. The story changes dependin’ on who you ask.

MAGGIE (CONTEMPLATIVE)
Well, maybe someone should have thought to ask Mr. Miller himself.

CUT TO:

EXT. - REDEMPTION – DAY
We see QUINN entering the general store, and we pan down the street in time to see HORNESBY riding up to the saloon and tying off his horse. He enters the saloon and we

CUT TO:

INT. – GENERAL STORE – DAY
QUINN is in the store picking up supplies, and talking to the proprietor, a skinny man named VERN. There are two children, a boy and a girl, playing in the aisles. They are JEB and JANEY, QUINN’s kids.

QUINN
How are my kids, behavin’ themselves Vern?

VERN (SMILING)
Perfect little lady and gentleman. ‘Sides, I have a secret weapon when it comes to keepin’ children on their best behavior.

The kids both stop playing and say in unison:

KIDS
Candy!

QUINN (LAUGHING)
Yer spoilin’ ‘em Vern.

VERN
Well, I figure they only get into town once a month, so…

QUINN
Even so, it’s awfully kind. What do I owe ya’ for the candy?

VERN
Candy’s on the house Quinn, always is, you know that.

We get the impression that there is a history between these two men, and that this scene has played out between the two countless times. The door opens, and in walks MAGGIE. When QUINN sees her, all thoughts of the traditional candy barter drop from his mind.

CUT TO:

INT. – SALOON – DAY
As HORNESBY walks in, the crowd goes hush and all eyes are on him.

HORNESBY
Barkeep, whiskey! You, get outta my chair!

HORNESBY takes the man sitting in the dealers chair by the collar and tosses him aside. Then he sits down, counts the money in front of him, begins to shuffle the deck of cards, and deals a new hand.

HORNESBY
Ok boys, straight poker, dollar ante! And here’s my lucky charm.

HORNESBY takes out the picture of the attractive woman and lays it on the table.

Camera zooms in for a tight shot of the picture and we see now that this is MAGGIE.

CUT TO:

INT. – GENERAL STORE – DAY

Camera zooms out of a close up of MAGGIE.

VERN
Why, Hello Maggie, have you met Mr. Miller?

MAGGIE
Hello Vern. Yes, we just met in the bank.

JANEY looks at MAGGIE and tugs at her dress.

JANEY
You’re a pretty lady, ain’t she Paw?

QUINN (EMBARRASSED)
She sure is. Now come on over here and Maggie alone.

MAGGIE (SQUATS BEFORE JANEY)
What’s your name, sweetie?

JANEY
My name’s Janey, and this is my brother Jeb,. He’s shy. Come here Jeb, say hello to the pretty lady.

JEB(BLUSHING)
Hello ma’am.

MAGGIE
Hello Jeb.

MAGGIE stands up and looks at QUINN.

MAGGIE
You have two very fine children, Quinn.

QUINN
Thank you. They take after their mother.

VERN
She was a right special lady, Mrs. Miller. Always a smile and a kind word for everyone.

MAGGIE
It’s a hot day Quinn, would you like to have a drink with me at the saloon?

QUINN
Why I would be honored. Vern, would it be okay if the kids stayed with you a bit longer?

VERN
Sure thing, Quinn. Always a pleasure.

QUINN extends his arm. MAGGIE places her hand on it, and the two walk out.


CUT TO:

INT. – SALOON – DAY

Hornesby is winning another hand of poker.

CARD PLAYER #1
What’s that Hornesby, the fourth pot in a row?

HORNESBY (TAPS THE PHOTO OF MAGGIE)
I already told you, I got my lucky charm right here.

HORNESBY goes steely eyed, and looks directly at CARD PLAYER #1.

HORNESBY
Besides, you wouldn’t be suggesting that I’m cheating, would you?

The other players slide back in their chairs expecting a gunfight. And we get the impression that there certainly would be one, except at that very moment:

CARD PLAYER #2
Looks like your lucky charm just walked in with your old partner.

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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:32 pm 
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There should be more coming...eventually.

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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:22 pm 
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Still Not A Dalmatian In A Jaunty Beret

Joined: 21 Dec 2007
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Should I wait or just get on with my life?

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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:22 pm 
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Still Not A Dalmatian In A Jaunty Beret

Joined: 21 Dec 2007
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By the way, I like where it is going.

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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 2:52 am 
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Location: Between the thumb and the wrist.
I like the twist at the end of the hold up, and the casual violence with the balding man. Good stuff.

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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 12:47 pm 
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Good stuff, Chris. That intro sequence was fine indeed. I can see that opening film.


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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:24 pm 
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It scorched

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Very good. I want to know who the balding man is (father?). I think the "several weeks later" ought to be unknown or flexible (possibly further in the past), so that we're unsure whether Quinn was with Hornesby at that time (with us hoping he wasn't). Maybe the ages of Quinn's kids remove all possibility and tension that Quinn has any recent wrongdoing to worry about (the Luke and Leia problem), but it's exciting to wonder if we will end up having to accept that Quinn is damaged goods (recently) or if he spent time opposing Hornesby.

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 Post subject: My November Challenge entry:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:36 pm 
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Mr. IMWANKO

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Nice work, Chris.

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