yeah, I wrote a fantasy book. Well, a rough draft, really. I'm cleaning it up now and thought I'd post the beginning for comment. I think of it as aimed at a Lloyd Alexander type audience 9-12 maybe...

Also, there's a prologue, but it isn't close ot finished and I'm not sure if I want it included...

Chapter 1
The Fall

As he walked along, Austen didn’t notice that someone was falling out of the sky, almost directly over his head. Certainly someone falling in such a way was not an ordinary occurrence. Perhaps it shouldn’t be expected for someone to be looking for such a thing. Still, it is a bit obvious a situation, for the Kingdom in which Austen lived was a rather mundane place. Magics were not unheard of within the realm, but not so commonplace that people falling from the sky would be an everyday occurrence.

Therefore, Austen should certainly have noticed the falling figure, but did not. He just wasn’t looking in the right direction. In fact, even though his eyes were open and he could see very well, he wasn’t really looking at anything. There was just too much for him to think about that fine afternoon, and Austen was very busy thinking.

First, he was thinking about his father. His father was away again, as he had been on many occasions lately. “Tensions are running high.” Dad would always say, and he was obliged to do his job in service to his King. As part of the standing army, Austen’s father many times had to accompany official envoys to neighboring kingdoms. His father had explained the reasons to him every time before leaving. Austen certainly didn’t like his dad being gone so often, but if these “Tensions” could be made to run a bit lower, dad would have done his job. Afterwards, with tensions eased, his father could spend more time with Austen.

His Father was the only family Austen had anymore. His mother had died shortly after childbirth, and Austen was the couple’s firstborn. Dad had devoted himself to Austen’s upbringing and to his work. So though his father was absent more and more often lately, Austen never doubted his father’s love and cherished every moment they had together.

Next, Austen was thinking about work. Since his father was often absent , he had gotten his son a job as an apprentice to a local blacksmith. Dad knew the blacksmith because he often made arms and armor for the standing army. The old smith was happy to help his dear friend in anything to do with his son. Austen certainly wasn’t much of a smith, at least not yet, though the old man was trying to teach him. The smith had, however, discovered Austen to be a very fast runner. “Quick as a rabbit, just like your father” he always said. Therefore he used the boy as a messenger more than an apprentice, and Austen had quickly become familiar with the layout of the entire city as he delivered official documents, quick notes, or personal messages for the Smith to and from his clients and friends. This was a fun job, especially on a day like today.

Which brings us to the other thing Austen was thinking about. The youngster was marveling, as he always did when he got here, in the beauty of the castle proper. For this day he was delivering a message to the stable chief at the royal castle itself! Austen loved coming to the castle. He was amazed by the beautiful architecture and the lovely gardens. It seemed a paradise and perfect place to live. Life within must be very unlike the daily toil of a peasant laborer. What would life be like to be in charge of your own daily routine, instead of having to follow the plan of others? Austen could imagine how much more time his father could spend with him if his father was a member of the royal family, instead of a common soldier.

On this side of the castle there was a stream that provided a barrier between the castle and the royal grounds. It wasn’t so much that security was needed to keep invaders away or any such thing. It was rather present because it is something one expects to see around a castle. The difference isthat usually the water barrier around a castle is an artificial moat, whereas the castle in Austen’s kingdom was built next to a stream. This created a much more aesthetically pleasing and sanitary water barrier than the traditional castle.

The back side of the castle was pretty well protected by a drop in the elevation of the land. So the front was the only side that had a water barrier. This fact was fortunate for the person falling to the stream, because he certainly would have been hurt by such a fall were he not above the water.

At the last second, before impact, Austen finally turned his head towards the falling shape. In that instance he hadn’t even determined it was a person. He only saw out of the corner of his eye something falling from the direction of the castle towards the stream.

There was an enormous splash, and Austen was pretty well drenched.

Ch 2
The Prince

Covered with water from head to toe, Aysten;s first reaction was shock over how wet he had become. But quickly the thought came to him that someone was most probably in danger. Forgetting about his own discomfort, he rushed over to the edge of the stream.

If this is intended to be the first chapter of a novel, it will need a good deal more fleshing out. As it is it reads more like a detailed synopsis of a chapter. There are some nice seeds of ideas here. I rather like the idea of a kingdom where magic is accepted yet not really that common. Usually fantasy stories are set in worlds where magic is either all over the place or else so rare and hidden that few people even know it exists. I'd be interested to learn in the course of the story why magic is not common. Is it limited to a secretive guild or society that holds a monopoly? Are only a few people born with the ability to perform it? Does it depend on rare magical artifacts? Is it a scarce natural resource, like gold? Lots of possibilities here!

The chapter looks rather awkward as written. You start with a bang in the first paragraph--something interesting and dramatic and unexpected is happening. Then the rest of the chapter is all backstory. The first chapter needs to follow through with the first paragraph's promise of throwing the reader right into the action. The backstory should be allowed to unfold gradually and naturally, perhaps over the course of several chapters. Try taking a closer look at some stories that have this kind of sudden launch to see how their authors handle this kind of development.

I'd be interested to learn in the course of the story why magic is not common

You know, I hadn't thought of that!! That gives me some ideas.

When I wrote the first chapter originally, I included the background mostly just to get it "down" on paper, hoping to move it later...but then i thought it might work there...so i'll go back to finding other spots for it.

Thanks! This is the type of feedback i was hoping for!

You're welcome! What you've posted so far is basically brainstorming. The real craft of writing is making the ideas work on the page.

The best place to learn this is from other writers. I've found it's very helpful when reading something I enjoy to start thinking about WHY it works. What is the author doing that makes this description or dialog or characterization come across the right way? The same goes for reading something that doesn't work so well. Why didn't it work?

You've got plenty of ideas to get going with. Ask yourself questions that a reader might ask about each of them. That will suggest other ideas and directions to take. It will help your story start to grow.