[color=#0000FF]Character 1:
I took the time to think about a lot of my heart felt problems logically, not an easy task.[/color]


The question I have for you is, am I REALLY such an awful human being to others?
I know I made some pretty heinous mistakes in the past, but I have talked to a couple of other friends of mine since this round of bullshit started. I told them what happened and what was "said". I made it a point to talk to one friend from the past and one friend from the present. The friend from the past says that I have come a long way from years ago. That I have done so well with managing my temper and opening up and caring about others and taking time to listen to their problems. The friend from the present said that she knows she can call me to vent and even if I dont have a solution for her problem she feels better just for talking to me. She knows a lot about my past because I have talked to her about it. And she says that it sounds like I have cooled off quite a bit and she can't imagine me doing some of the things I said I used to do.

If I'm such a horrible person that just hurts people, then why do I have friends? Why are there people that love me? But I am willing to ask you the question. Am I really doing these things and don't realize it? I want to know for my benefit because it means a lot to me to hold onto the people that are dear to me.


And no less so to me. First, a brief reply, delivered and intended to be read in calm tones, then your answer, which I recommend as worthy of reflection independent of a considerable and possibly flawed further response that follows, and for that reason, will be set aside in the eventuality that communication is possible.

Consider, in brief, in relationship to you and me, that I am not telling you that you are a horrible person that just hurts people; you are a pretty good person who chooses to hurt some people whenever she is ready, through a variety of what is now chiefly verbal selections. Life is not black and white with, "if I do good, nothing I do can be bad," as this is, you can agree, an irresponsible view held by many. They really do hurt, too, and that was a reality I did not feel should be ignored, as it has, if nothing else, karma, and possibly interferes with what you would rather convey. We can take joy from inside ourselves, curiosity, knowledge, skill, many things. But we can take pain from inside ourselves and put that into others as well, and that is decision with consequences, just as the decision to share those other things has positive consequences.

So: the answer.

There is basically a duality that arises within us: one part is a voice full of unreality, not all malicious but nonetheless without substance; and the other is a peaceful, wonderful beacon of truth, which provides everything of substance, and the joy empowering each task we undertake for its own sake.

That true self is the one that observes the emotional states, the other is the one that becomes absorbed into them and confuses the self with the reaction, thus creating the illusion that we, the we that we feel we are being, ARE the reaction. Yet if that reaction is not filled with love, sharing, humor and wisdom, it's like confusing the cloud with the actual disappearance of the sun.

beautifully well said.
I think more people should look within themselves, sometimes what we find within is a surprising strength and beauty
something that can be overlooked except in times of crises or trial.
I applaud your sincereity and honesty within yourself
well-done