Note: I am changing jobs today and got nostalgic, so I reread some of the stories I have written while in my current job (not literally) and rediscovered a series of stories that have an IMWANy flavor, so, I present the first one here. If I get positive reaction, I'll share the others and maybe finish the series as I had intended all those years ago — James C. Taylor, Poopyhead

Enter: Action Gal, ©2003, James C. Taylor
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Duncan Monroe felt good. No arthritis pain and his sister Ruby's apple pie in his belly, the best in the world now that their mama was gone. So he was relatively calm when Kenny, the local drug addict, once again tried to be a hold up man.

"Give me your money, old man." Kenny held the knife a lot more steady than the last time Duncan ran into him. Duncan sighed and slowly changed the grip on his walking cane. "Look, my Social Security doesn't come till next week. I have seventy-four cents. Do you really want your butt beat to try and get seventy-four cents?"

"You ain't taking me this time, old man. I watched the news. Fly Guy is in Israel."

"You fool. Fly Guy didn't beat you up. I did. He just watched."

"We'll he ain't watching now! Hand over your money. And your watch, too."

Splat! Kenny was hit in the back of the head with a rotten tomato. "Because I'm the mommy, that's why!" a female voice bellowed from the fire escape. Leaping over the railing and onto the ground was a young woman dressed in white athletic socks and sneakers, black leggings, white gym shorts, a fuscia scoop leotard, and yellow dishwashing gloves, with a black halloween mask on her face and a hotel towel tied around her neck. Her necklace bore the letter A. She twirled a medium sized teddy bear by it's leg like a sling. "Prepare bad guy type person for the awesome power of Action Gal!" The bear sailed across the alley and into Kenneth's face.

Duncan blinked "Audrey Anderson? Is that you?"

"I may look like Audrey Anderson, Mr. Monroe--I mean, total stranger I don't know--but I'm not! I'm Action Gal!"

Kenneth laughed. "This is a joke, right? I have a knife here."

Action Gal reached into the dumpster and pulled out a soup can. "And I have creamy chicken and mushrooms! Want to trade?"

Kenneth frowned. "No, I don't want to-- Oww." The can careened off the side of his face. "Quit throwing stuff at me." Action Gal threw an empty box of Rice-A-Roni® at him. "Do you mean hard stuff or all stuff?"

"Stop it!"

"Stop crime? You bet I'll stop crime, starting with you!" She began pawing through the dumpster.

"I said 'Don't throw stuff at me.'" Kenneth began walking toward her.

Action Gal kept pawing through the trash. "What you said was 'Quit throwing stuff at me.' I remember stuff like that really good."

"Take this, crazy girl!" Kenneth thrusted the knife into her butt.

"Don't call me crazy!" Action Gal whirled around and smacked Kenneth with a violent backhand. Then she kneed him in the crotch. Then she stomped on his foot. Then she bit him. Kenneth turned to run and she kicked him in the butt, but his momentum deflected the power out of it.

"Are you okay, sir?"

"Yes, um, Action Gal. I'm fine." Duncan walked over to her. "However, I think Audrey's parents are worried about her. You might want to check on them. And my name is Duncan Monroe, so now you can remember that."

"Okay, Mr. Monroe. That part is hard. See you." Action Gal bounded off down the block, skipping. Duncan noticed there wasn't a knife in her backside. He looked down by the dumpster and he saw it. With a bent blade.

©2003, James C. Taylor. All rights reserved.