Mmmm...loaf meat...

Looks good.

A few minor issues (perhaps):

• Just my personal preference, but I think I'd stack those panels that show the hoodlum's eyes
• The gun seems kind of small.
• Is the old guy pushing the hoodlum away?

Looking good, Rick.

More to say on this page later but for now:

I tried stacking them, really didn't work to me. I'm OK with how those first three panels turned out. That sequence wasn't in the script.

I was kinda surprised when I googled it, how small most Glocks are.

Yes, he's pushing him away. Ah, the perils of modern storytelling. A caption or a thought balloon would remove the ambiguity! Or if I was a better artist. The original script had a caption. But it seems odd to suddenly have a caption when there hasn't been one in a while and hardly any after. But this is going to be a problem later in the story in one particular instance. Panel 6 had a caption too, originally, and I was hoping it would be clear he wasn't having a heart attack, damn it. At least the dialogue in the next panel clears that up.

I appreciate the thoughts, Paulo, so keep them coming even if it looks like I'm set. I need to know how this looks to someone else.

Yeah, the reason the gun seems small is because most artists draw characters with a "Dirty Harry" sized gun.

Rick -- looks awesome

On the gun issue -- I'm not saying draw a Rob Leifield sized gun -- but it does get a little "lost". I'm not sure if making it slightly bigger would help or not, but I can see what Paulo means about the size. The gun is important to the page, especially since there's no panel showing the gun being pointed at the old man - so, in my storytelling opinion (and mileage may vary), some visual attention needs to be placed on the gun to give the reader the "danger Will Robinson, danger, danger" feeling as their eyes scan the page. Again - I underscore this with "I know nothing".

My only real concern is the overlap of the eyes in the first panel.

OK.

First, THE OVERLAPPING PANEL STAYS! Or I quit, Shooter!

Second, yes, there is an issue with the gun. Not because of the size of the gun but by my piss-poor choice of view as an artist. Coloring would help as would eliminating some of the lines of the shirt around it. You know that book? How To Draw Comics the Marvel Way? The one that we've all worn out? Yeah, you might think I had never read it. Panels 7 & 8 are basically the same camera angle; this violates some rule somewhere I'm sure and bugs me more than any of the other stuff y'all have pointed out. There was no continuity of action that would justify it. But I'm not changing it. Not right now.

And yes, more blank panels. But it IS done, and not just cause the artist is lazy or the inker ignores them. But I agree that action lines on the previous page are needed.

Third, as Paulo probably noticed, I have retained the tattoo on Thug 1. They were going to be tattooed up at some future time before this was finished anyway. Arms, neck. Also, there was always going to be a bit of foreshadowing later with El Brujo. Now, when I show the front of his shop, I can incorporate that eye symbol in his sign. I can make these thugs part of a gang he runs and I can use other mystic symbols as their tattoos. Santeria symbols. I was going to have Sir Michael walk by his shop as another person on the street, unknown to El Brujo but now a panel or two of showing that he KNOWS now about the incident on the park may be in order. Maybe Thug 1 lurking in the background. Also, EL Brujo may be able to "see" what happens thru that eye tattoo. Besides, in color and with others, it'll be clear it's a tattoo.

I've already thrown everything off by adding a panel; I may have to end up either cramming 10 panels on a page or adding pages. And not the little sliver panels either.

Now, since we're working digitally it's easier to jack with the art. So, does THIS work better?

And keep the feedback coming. I appreciate it.

Yeah, that panel works much better.

I may have to go ahead and put a frame around it now. Then.

Man, that's a lot of work for something you can take in in about 12 seconds.

Good stuff again!

Thoughts:

• In the first panel, not sure what that object is on the right side of the man.
• There's something higher up that looks rather like an oversized leaf.
• Not sure what that thing is in panel 5, either
• Does the bullet miss and hit the tree or does it glance off the man first?

Other than that, lookin' good.

I may have to add $#!@$^ sound effects.

The thug fires 3 times. All the bullets are deflected. One hits the tree. Another goes up and knocks the leaf and some other particles down. The third is what that blurry object is to his right. The gun is ejecting 3 shells but you can't see it. Maybe color would help but it may just be too damned small. So it's a problem. If nothing else I can just eliminate the the leaf and the bullet and just show three hits on the tree. I may also show three points of light in front of Sir Michael to show where the bullets struck and were deflected. Just using color.

The thing in panel 5 is the do-rag Thug 1 was wearing. He lost it between being released by Sir Michael and rejoining his companions. Sir Michael is picking it up with his swordblade.

This one was the hardest. The first panels didn't want to work together. I didn't need all that room for panel 1 but I couldn't make it small enough to fit panel 2 up there with it. It was a bitch.

The return of the captions (where I hadn't planned any) means I may have found my voice on this thing. And therefore some additional captions on the other pages may be added. I'm still trying to stay away from thought balloons and sound effects.

On the plus side I am working steadily -- if not swiftly -- and work is being produced. And it will be already inked and lettered when I'm done.

Only 28 pages to go.

Yeah, the bandana thing needs to be made clearer somehow, maybe. I can't seem to see where the thug loses it.

Re: the bullets, yeah, sound effects and/or flashes of light would be good. That thing that's flashing by him kind of reminds me of a peppermint candy. I'm not sure the leaf is necessary. That's just my take. Others' MMV.

Well I didn't actually intend to show when he lost it. But I could do something I suppose. Show it falling when Sir Michael releases him probably.

Maybe you could show the old gent in the panel. Is it important that he pick it up? Just fIgured it was a pertinent question.

I'm really rooting for you, Rick, you're getting a lot of work done so far... very cool!

Thanks, Hanzo. I do appreciate it. I hope everyone likes the story and the characters as well. The art is really secondary to that. This isn't meant to showcase my art at all but to get the character out there. Somewhere.

With that in mind y'all are also supposed to feel free to criticize the dialogue, the story flow, motivations, characterizations, etc. Anything that strikes you as "off" (such as "Why did he do that? I wouldn't do that. And why didn't he... And how could..." also needs to be pointed out. Plot holes are hard to spot sometimes by the author and somethings that seem contrived may seem REALLY contrived to an outsider.

But it means a lot to know you're rooting for me. And that y'all are watching. I hope it ends up being something you wouldn't be ashamed to admit knowing the guy that did it.

One more page and a quarter of trees until towards the end.

It may foreshadow some things later. Once again, I think with color it will be clear.

Cool. Keep up the good work!

Love these pages, Rick. They look great!