Edited by Sorah Suhng.

Ummm... I think he's very messed up. Any property at his new abode needs to be accounted for as well as anything currently in your house. M.K. needs to be held as accountable as he thinks you do. You should have had your lawyer there, I think. Sadly, hindsight is 20/20, while foresight rarely is.

I wish we could offer you more than moral support, D.L.

I officially hate your soon-to-be-ex, D.

Ditto.

It is saddening to read what you are going through. He needs to be made accountable and not be allowed to terrorize you.

Stay strong.

D.L. I don't know what to say. That's awful.

I agree with Tuna, though. Just stand up for yourself. You already know that you can, if you need to. Keep your chin up, mate.

And don't hesitate to ask for help.

Please don't do that. I'm not trying to inspire hatred or anything. I'm just saying some things I feel like I need to say. It doesn't prey on my mind so much if I have a chance to write it down.

Please understand that I've been talking about someone with real problems--someone who is living in a self-constructed reality where I'm the villain and anything extricated from me is just gain. That doesn't excuse anything, but it does make me feel sympathy, even now. I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. I just don't want to let myself be taken advantage of any further. Believe me, I'm taking any legal action I can, and I've still got hopes of making a lot of this good.

Right now I'm necessarily in a waiting game. I feel much better now that the house is really mine. I'm starting to clean it up and rearrange things. I do need to put a lock on the outside storage building, though. I came back from church yesterday and found several items missing from it. Made me pretty mad, although most of what's missing so far I don't really miss that much.

I've said this once before in your other thread, DL, but it bears repeating. You are making the same mistake that I did. Try to be nice in this kind of thing and you will only wind up hurt in the end. Do not let anything else happen without your lawyer knowing every detail. I got screwed, (although it wasn't in a financial way, rather an emotional one) by standing by and letting my ex blow off steam to everyone we knew, staying silent, keeping my distance, being nice. She turned all of our friends against me, painted me as this horrible villain, and ruined several lifelong friendships permanently. It took me years to recover from the damage, because I couldn't just deny what she was saying, I had to prove by example it wasn't true. This took a while. And it all happened because I tried to be the good guy.
But I digress. Main point is, keep your lawyer handy and don't let him back in for any reason until things are more documented. Good luck.

At this point I think I've really learned my lesson.

I really hate the thought of not being nice, though.

He really shouldn't have taken anything but personal items. The rest should have been decided in court since he isn't cooperative.

Do not allow him to take your fridge and the rest of the big appliances since it sounds like you really need them. Let the court decide that. Make sure the police and your lawyer are there if he's scheduled to come back.

You need to be strong and think of you. He's worrying about himself. You worry about you.

I am not sure the situation involving the debt. I suppose it will depend on how much is when you are together, how much from before, what you are on, what it was used for.

(like if he takes the fridge and the debt is for the fridge it makes little sense for you to pay for half of something he has).

In the end, as I said before, when it's all decided, if your debt burden is too much/crushing, bankruptcy is no disgrace. It's serious but that's what it is there for. It would probably be very quick and easy in your situation. That's for later I guess. but something to ponder.

You don't have to be mean, but you shouldn't have to take it. If you can't stand up to him yourself - then have someone there that can. Your lawyer, a cop, a judge, someone in authority. He will continue to bully and push until he is stopped. I hope he isn't dangerous, but his anger sounds unpredictable. You should never be alone with him and protect yourself in every way you can. And document everything. Keep a diary, take photos, call the police if there is trouble.

Being nice is not an option anymore - and I know it is hard. I learned a long time ago how to be a bitch when I have to be and it has protected me from drunks and public urinaters and shoplifters and hustlers. Some people don't deserve your respect or courtesy - and your husband has crossed that line by his actions toward you.

Be well and take care.

Better to be too cautious, too hard, too quick to call the police, then not cautious enough. Seriously.

Believe me, if M.K. comes to the house again, I will do so. The court order says no coming around the house or my job without my permission. Now that all the personal effects and so forth have been taken, I will never grant that again. Frankly I almost hope M.K. tries to come and take something. Then the police will be involved.

I've spoken with my lawyer, and I'm feeling better about being able to avoid much of the debt. I think I'll be left with a manageable amount.

That is good news.

Keep a list. Every thing he has taken is still in play, property wise.

(I say this as a member of your rooting section. I don't know the first thing about the law in this area).

Get that lock immediately.

I put it on yesterday evening (after running some fuel injector cleaner through the car--there's been a lot going on!). While I was bolting it down Mom called. So I talked to her while I was securing the door and preparing supper. I'm sure glad I've got Mom and Dad helping!

My pastor called yesterday at work and said that church members would provide any household items I might need. I've got everything to meet my immediate needs, but I really appreciated the offer.

And thank you all for offering support here, too.

I'm glad your church is standing up for you. Sounds like good people. I'm pretty sure our church growing up (and a group of family friends) stopped associating with us because of my parents' divorce.

That is SO awesome. I am glad to read good news too.