James Robinson’s Full Script for “JLA: Cry For Justice”
By dclebeau

Warning: This is not for the easily offended. That James Robinson is quite the perv. Anyway, here’s the original script in it’s entirity:

(Scene: Gotham City – the city of corruption and carnival treats.)

Ollie: Damn, Hal! You sure told those bitches off!

Hal: Fuck yeah! I rule.

Ollie: I could sure go for a funnel cake right now.

Hal: Gotham City - Land of corruption and fried dough. I have a confession to make.

Ollie: If it involves you getting Huntress and Lady Blackhawk drunk and taking advantage of them, I’m all ears.

Hal: You know I shagged them!

Ollie: I know. All the boys at the Hall of Justice were talking about it. Those Birds of Prey are easy once you get a few drinks in ‘em. Even Metamorpho got freaky with the one in a wheelchair.

Hal: Mmmmm. She’s a red head. You know what they say about red heads…

Ollie: So, who was the best lay?

Hal: Let me think. There have been so many. You’d think it would be Power Girl. But she just kind of lays there.

Ollie: The chesty ones always do. And then they expect you to be all grateful cause they let you squeeze their boobs.

Hal: But what a rack, am I right?

Ollie: High five, bro!

Hal: I think the best had to be Big Barda. Once you’ve gone New God, you can never go back.

Ollie: Holla!

Hal: And then there was Misfit. Sure, she’s young. But if there’s grass on the field!

Ollie: You old horndog! Are there any Birds of Prey you haven’t fucked?

Hal: Hell to the no! I’ve fucked ‘em all. Sometimes two at a time. One time the blonde in fishnets went down on me while Manhunter watched. Let me tell you something, she was the freakiest one of all.

Ollie: The blonde in fishnets?!?

Hal: Yeah, what was her name? It’s on the tip of my toungue…

Ollie: You mean Black Canary?!?

Hal: Yeah, that’s it! That girl’s a screamer, let me tell you.

Ollie: You fucked my wife?!?

Hal: Shit, you married that bitch?

Ollie: I know! What was I thinking?

Hal: Still bros?

Ollie: Forever and for always.

Hal: God, I hated Bruce Wayne.

Ollie: I know. What a prick!

Hal: I’m glad he’s dead. I mean, I respected him and all.

Ollie: Sure. I hear he screwed Catwoman.

Hal: Catwoman’s no big deal. You know they’re fake, right?

Ollie: Seriously?

Hal: How can you not know Catwoman’s boobs are fake? Bruce bought her those so he wouldn’t feel like he was stuffing Robin.

(Scene: Two characters no one cares about are fighting on an island for no good reason.)

Congorilla: I hate you.

Starman: I’m totally going to kill you!

Congorilla: Not if I kill you first.

Starman: I’m tired. Wanna take a nap?

Congorilla: Sounds lovely. Let’s be friends.

Starman: But, our scene isn’t over.

Congorilla: I guess we could kill time talking about drinks.

Starman: Odds are nobody’s reading our scene anyway. Who the fuck are we and what are we doing on the Justice League?

(Scene: Back on the rooftop.)

Hal: Wah! I’m cold.

Ollie: Hal, you have a power ring. You fly in space. How can your ass possibly be cold?

Hal: Oh, I forgot.

Ollie: I think someone’s on this rooftop with us.

Hal: Is it Jason Bard, Batman’s private detective?

(Wonder Woman steps from the shadows.)

Wonder Woman: Hello, boys. I heard what you were saying earlier about some of my friends. So I thought I’d drop in an see what all the fuss was about.

Hal: Hell yeah. I always wanted to bag me an Amazon princess.

(Wonder Woman reaches for her lasso.)

Ollie: Ooooo. Kinky.

(Wonder Woman wraps the lasso around Hal.)

Hal: Hey lady, I’m not into sausage parties!

Wonder Woman: Now that you are bound in my lasso, you will be compelled to tell the truth.

Hal: Oh shit!

Wonder Woman: Have you ever had sex with any of the women you were talking about?

Hal: N-n-n-n-no!

Wonder Woman: Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Ollie: Fight it, Hal!

Hal: (sobbing) N-n-n-never!

Wonder Woman: Have you ever had sexual relations with anyone?

Ollie: Don’t answer, Hal!

Hal: “Green Arrow” and I are lovers! Black Canary is just a beard. Ollie pays her to keep up appearances. Every now and then, she lets him rescue her so he can look good.

Wonder Woman: I thought so. I’ll see you at the next League briefing.

(Wonder Woman puts away her lasso and flies away.)

Hal: Are you mad, pretty bird?

Ollie: You know I can’t quit you, Hal.

(Scene: Ray Palmer feels sorry for himself at the Flash Museum.)

Jay Garrick: What the fuck am I doing in this book. I’m so out of here?

(Jay runs off to appear in a far better title.)

Ray Palmer: The universe hates Ray Palmer.

Ryan Choi: Hey, Ray Palnmer. I just dropped by to make sure everyone knows you’re still the Atom. Not me.

Ray Palmer: You’re a hero, Ryan. I’m just Ray Palmer.

Ryan Choi: Well, I’ve said all I’m allowed to say. I’m leaving never to be seen in a comic again until Geoff Johns needs someone to kill off in a crossover. Remember, Ray Palmer is the Atom now.

Ray Palmer: Ray Palmer is sad.

(Freddy Freeman shpows up.)

Freddy: Hi, Ray Palmer.

Ray Palmer: Ray Palmer knows you from a long-forgotten attempt to reboot the Teen Titans. Ray Palmer explains continuity only to dismiss it as unimportant.

Freddy: You’re a hell of a guy, Ray Palmer.

Ray Palmer: Why does flying boy come to see Ray Palmer?

Freddy: Well, Ray Palmer, I just realized I’m in this freaking book. So I figured I’d better show up eventually. I beat Supergirl, didn’t I?

Ray Palmer: Ray Plamer wishes flying boy would not give away last page.

Ryan Choi: Look, Ray Palmer, if everyone is just going to go on calling you “Ray Palmer” do you think maybe I could keep the name, the Atom!

Freddy: Look behind you, Ryan.

Ryan: Oh good god it’s Geoff Johns!

(Geoff Johns rips Ryan Choi to pieces and makes a hat out of his bloody caracass,

Geoff Johns: Read Green Lantern!

Ray Palmer: Ray Palmer miss rare ethnic character in comics already.

(Scene: Hal and Ollie are blocking traffic with a pile of knocked-out bad guys.)

Hal: I didn’t even break a sweat.

Ollie: That’s because we’re so awesome and they are so lame.

Hal: Kiss me, you fool!

(Ray Palmer and Freddy Freeman arrive.)

Ollie: What are you guys doing here?

Freddy: It’s almost the last page of the second issue. Eventually, we have to be in the same place so we can all cry for justice or something.

Ollie: When you say “justice” I get moist.

Hal: You stay away. He’s mine!

(The Javelin awakens and throws a javelin at the jealous lovers.)

(Close-up of Supergirl’s heaving bosom as the javelin shatters on her boobs. Make sure you get a close-up of those teen boobs or I swear to god I will kill someone at DC! I demand teenage boobies!)

Supergirl: Who throws a javelin? Really!

Freddy: This must be the last page…

Supergirl (striking a pose) No, THIS is the last page.

(Make sure that on that last page we are looking up Supergirl’s skirt as much as possible.)